How to Be Patient

Everyone is waiting for something. Christian or not we all have to be patient at sometime or another. Unfortunately most of us are not very good at it, my self included.

Any time I think of being patient, I think of fishing... I HATE fishing. I like the results, but I'm not a big fan of the process. I mean it takes HOURS to catch ONE fish. So like most people I go to the market and I profit off of someone else's patience.Or at least we think we are profiting. At the end of the day we are getting one meal and they are getting money they can reinvest into their business. The fishing company probably started out as a small business, and their ability to be patient allowed them to become a big time distributor, but it took TIME. The lesson we pull from this is that we have to be patient,with our family, our spouses, and our faith walks. Actively patient. You aren't doing anyone any good by sitting around stagnantly waiting for your blessing. 

So how do you learn to be patient? You keep yourself busy in the process. Hustle while you wait. As a small business owner I am getting first hand experience with this. I get discouraged and there are times I want to throw in the towel, because God isn't blessing me on my schedule. I want that check for ten million bucks from a private investor to come in the mail TOMORROW. 

But...

I remember Philippians 4:8, and I refocus. I remember Isaiah 55:8, I take a deep breath, I push myself to trust his timing, and I move forward in obedience. I keep going to vending events even though I don't get and orders or donations. I keep going to networking events, even though I don't feel up to par with anyone in the room. I keep doing free giveaways and Facebook promotions, because I know that my obedience WILL pay off. I capture all my negative thoughts and I make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). He is my provider and I have to rest in that promise, even when my human logic tells me otherwise. 

Rest in his promise, and hustle while you wait.

Orianna

My Love Story

Me and my baby brother!

I got married on this day, in Lexington, SC last year. But…

Before the flowers.

The dress.

The I do’s.

There was a lot of pain and confusion.

John and I started dating on February 20, 2014. We met at North Carolina Central University at an Impact Leadership conference. We went through the initial honeymoon phase that most couples go through, staying on the phone till 5 am on some nights. Since I didn’t have a car John took any opportunity he could to come see me. On our very first date we were literally inseparable (my love language is physical touch, don’t judge). But around August things started getting heated, and not in a fun way. I was entering my senior year in college and he had just graduated. So the amount of stress we were under in addition to the distance, started to take its toll on the relationship. We argued over simple things. It got to the point that every time we talked on the phone we were yelling at each other. This caused me to shut down emotionally and start looking for acceptance in other places. Since I couldn’t do anything right, I started spending more time intentionally hanging out with a group of friends later…and later. Just so I wouldn’t have to end my day with an argument. It got to the point that I dreaded talking to him on the phone and I’m sure he felt the same way. The mistake that both of us made during this time was continuing to “talk” to other people while we were mad at each other. This led to John getting so mad that he drove from Charleston SC to Durham, NC after he got off work one night, uninvited. The argument that happened once he got there was not pleasant. My friends were so worried that they came by and checked on me because they didn’t know if we were physically fighting or not. I don’t remember how but we managed to make but we did. The sad part came when John got in an accident on the way home that should have killed him. I was so thankful he was alive I forgot that we neglected to do something very important; we didn’t deal with the root issue of our problems and we didn’t cut off our “backup” people.

We paid for this mistake later in February 2015.

It was our one year dating anniversary and John came up to New Bern, NC to visit, through a horrific ice storm no less. Tensions were already high from the argument the night before, so by the time he got there the only people that talked to John when he came to pick me up were my parents. I was in graduate school at this point and still under and enormous amount of pressure to perform. John had a job at a mental health facility which put him in harm’s way on a daily basis. Needless to say we were both at the end of our rope with this relationship. I didn’t want to deal with the pressure anymore, and as John was helping me with some of my homework, he looked at me and closed the computer. He knew I was distracted by our issues and therefore nothing he said could help me understand my assignment. So we finally put everything out in the open. After a long conversation and a lot of prayer, we switched phones, I deleted his back up people and he deleted mine. It wasn’t easy to do but it was the turning point in our relationship. We started opening up to each other emotionally in ways that we hadn’t before. By forcing myself to be faithful emotionally he started getting under my skin in a good way. Letting him into my heart where I hid all of my darkest secrets, even when it hurt solidified our relationship. Fast forward to April 20^th 2016 and it’s the day before my wedding. Amazingly I wasn’t really nervous. After all we had been through I couldn’t wait to be Mrs. Sells, I had earned it!

So what’s the moral of this love story?

Be completely you and completely present in your relationships. Sweeping issues under the rug will cause extra tension. It is ALWAYS best to pull problems up from the root and to stay emotionally open at all times. Yes this will cause you pain at times but in the long run it is worth it. Love is always worth it!

Orianna

Enduring the Storms of Marriage

Tomorrow is my anniversary and I am so excited! I can’t believe it has been a YEAR. Honestly this first year of marriage has been one for the books. Because before we even got to the end of our wedding day we started facing some storms. On our way home from the wedding we got pulled over. Since then it seemed like one thing after another. From car trouble to joblessness, this year has been the most challenging time in my life to date.  I had no idea that marriage would be this challenging, but in many ways I am glad it has been a difficult first year. When I think about all the foolishness we have been through I can truly take James 1:2-4 seriously. I can see how all our issues have pushed us to grow up spiritually and emotionally.

So the question is, “How do you endure the storms of marriage?” In my opinion there are three keys to handling storms.

Stay prayed up.

I have prayed more this past year than I have in my ENTIRE life. Prayer forces you to humble yourself under God, when that happens you can cast all your worries on him. Talking to God on a regular basis (sometimes every hour) reminds you of everything he has brought you through before and it makes you realize his sovereignty, even in the midst of hardship. You learn to rest in his power to orchestrate your life.

Stay in your word.

There is nothing like going through a situation and then opening up the word of God and having a passage speak to you on YOUR specific situation and give you comfort. Psalms is notorious for doing this. However there are 65 other books that can do the same thing. Sometimes it’s a story that helps you push through the day and give you hope. Sometimes it’s a promise that reminds you of your identity in Christ. No matter what you do you can’t stop reading the bible, the book is alive and the words will jump off the page if you read it with an open heart and a humble spirit.

Don’t shut down.

I made this mistake so many times. I am the queen of the shut down. When I get upset I get quiet and I bottle up my emotions. This is not healthy at ALL.  Thankfully John has a very strong personality so no matter how I feel or what we are going through he forces me to express my feelings about our situation and listens without judging me for having doubts. It is always best to communicate your feeling shutting down will push to towards insanity.

I hope these keys help you endure the storms that you go through in marriage, and if you are single I hope you use these keys as you walk through life with your heavenly father. Trust me they make a world of difference.

Orianna

Here are some scriptures that helped me during this first year:

James 1:2-4

Colossians 1:9-14

Matthew 6:25-34

Isaiah 40:1-31

Isaiah 55:1-13

  

I Wish I Learned This When I Was Single...

So my anniversary is this week!!! As I’m looking through my wedding photos and planning our trip I realized how much I have grown and matured over the past year. I truly thank God that I am not the same woman I was in 2016.

But …

I also realized that there are two areas I could have handled while I was single that I didn’t. But I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to pay attention and grow. If I had spent more time working on these two areas, being married would be a thousand times simpler.

Discipline

When I was single I didn’t have a daily schedule. I had a class schedule and sometimes I didn’t even follow that. I made half baked attempts at organizing my life, but I never stayed committed to it. I spent a lot of time at the beginning and the end of the semester throwing away plans and schedules I had written out, and planners I had bought and halfway used. From my health to education I didn’t do it on purpose. It is literally a miracle that I have a degree because I didn’t have any margin in my life, and when I tried to create margin I would throw away my plan and say “I’ll get back on track tomorrow”. I think about two weeks into being married I realized I couldn’t live like that anymore.  Is one thing to make a plan but being disciplined enough to stick with it is a completely different story.

Perspective

I also spent a lot of time focused on myself, and not in a good way. I was selfish, prideful, and impatient. I spent most of my time figuring out how to make ME happy and how people made ME feel. I knew God. I knew he was supposed to be my focus, but frankly, I was too concerned about the fact that I couldn’t have sex to think about it. I really had to flip my perspective and realize that honoring God is more important than my next orgasm. Glorifying God and bringing others into his kingdom was more important than how those same people treated me. I had to swallow my pride and pray for the people that hurt me. I had to take a lot of cold showers and spend a lot of time in prayer to avoid the temptations that surrounded me in school. It wasn’t easy but until I started zooming out and looking at the bigger picture, I didn’t discover my purpose and I am so thankful that God has pushed me to change my perspective.

So as I’m reminiscing on the good times and the not so good I’m also looking towards the future. Actively praying and actively changing my behavior for the better, so the next 80 something years might be a little bit simpler.

Orianna

The Nagging Wife

I’ll be honest with ya’ll I’ve never understood the reasoning behind why women nag. If you are married people automatically assume that it happens all the time. The picture in their head probably looks something like this:

The husband provides everything and is secretly unhappy. The wife is this excessively demanding she witch, that takes care of the house and the kids, while completely ignoring herself and her husband. Nobody is getting any sex.

This is dysfunctional on so many levels but I want to focus on the wife. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and making your requests known. However there is a big difference between asking your husband to take out the trash one time, in a nice voice, and asking him to take out the trash every ten minutes, while gradually getting more and more disrespectful. The latter makes your husband feel like he’s listening to nails on a chalk board. The word describes it this way:

“…a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof” Proverbs 19: 13(NIV)

Aka the biblical version of water boarding.

So what is the root issue that causes a wife to be nagging, quarrelsome, and contentious? Simple, lack of trust, you nag him until you get your way because you don’t believe he will handle it when and how you want it handled. You don’t trust him so you spend your time trying to control him by nagging.

Ladies it is beyond time for us to stop treating our husbands like they are our children. Trust God enough to fight your battles. Your husband is a grown man. You only need to say it once, trust that God will take care of the rest.

We always say that we are women who trust and believe God to handle everything. I think it’s time we start acting like it.

Orianna

Marriage... whats the point?

When you look at marriage from a worldly perspective there are only a few incentives; tax write offs, combined income, psychological support through life, etc. These are all well and good, and they promote a healthy society in general. But when you look at marriage through a spiritual lens you see that it has a bigger purpose. The point of being married is the same as everything else in the universe, to glorify God. It is a gift that we can only take advantage of in this existence (Matt. 22:30 NIV), and marriage fulfills its purpose in three exclusive ways.

Marriage acts as a safe place to explore, understand, and enjoy sex.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul explains that because of the great amount of immorality it was best for each person to have their own husband or wife, so that they would not participate in the illicit sexual practices that were taking place around them. Those words still apply to us today. Sex with in marriage is the equivalent of living at Disney world. Sex outside of marriage is the equivalent of riding a rickety homemade roller coaster. It’s just not safe. No matter how "fun" it may seem.

Marriage is designed to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church.

Throughout scripture, God refers to the church as his bride. In Ephesians, Paul explains how married couples should emulate Christ’s relationship with the church in three ways.

1.      The cycle of love and respect

2.      The cycle of sanctification

3.      Unity and Intimacy

As husbands and wives strive to meet these standards they show case Gods glory in their marriage.

Sounds beautiful, but boy is it difficult to do. The trick is not to give up on these standards when it gets hard. When I don’t respect my husband it is hard for him to continue to show me love. When he doesn’t lead me spiritually it is hard for me to continue to respect him. Without intimacy and unity, we become more like roommates or business partners instead of a married couple. So realizing these facts I have to keep pushing to make it work. I keep Philippians 3:14 at the forefront of my mind when I want to give up and let my sinful nature take over.

So my question to you is: who are you giving glory to? If you aren’t striving to give God glory, you are dishonoring him by default. Keep fighting the good fight, this is bigger than you.

Orianna

Date Night Ideas

This one is gonna be simple. We all know that date night is important. If you don’t prioritize your spouse you will gradually grow apart. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to end up living with a stranger in my house. So date nights help to combat that and draw you closer to each other. The great news is you don’t have to spend a fortune to have fun with your spouse! I’ll separate the activities into two columns:

Frugal		Pricey
Take a walk	Around the park or your neighborhood	Staycation	Find a bed and breakfast/hotel in your area and make a weekend out of exploring your city
Give them a massage	Get naked and get oily!	Pottery Night	Find a local craft store and paint a piece of pottery together. The Art Place Studio Fire and Earth Pottery
Game Night	From puzzles to chess you can find all types of games at the dollar store and Goodwill that will make you think.	Escape Rooms	These puzzle rooms are awesome and they force you to work together. Escape in 60
Have a kid day	Stay in your PJ’s eat cereal and watch cartoons	Amusement Park	Carowinds, Busch Gardens, Six Flags
Antique hopping	Downtown is full of them. See if you can find them all.	Take a dance class	Find a studio and see if you can get a private lesson.
Workout together	You don’t have to have a gym membership. Run around your neighbor hood a few times and you will work up a sweat!	Concert	Find an artist that both of you love and grab some tickets.
People Watch	Go to a park or a Starbucks and just observe (you would be surprised how fun this is.)	Vacation (without the kids)	Pick a place on the map, save up, and go!
Go to the beach	Find a free parking spot and explore.	Couples Massage	Zen Massage, Massage Envy, Urban Nirvana etc.
Ice Cream Date	Who doesn’t love sweets? (Froyo, Baskin Robbins, Sweet Frog, etc.	Mystery Date	Buy them a new outfit and take them somewhere special.
Steak Dinner at Home	Cook it together and turn your dining room into a fancy restaurant.	Rock Climbing	Google bouldering and rock climbing gyms, sign the waiver, and climb away!

You will notice that none of these ideas are dinner and a movie. Although that is a great idea EVERYBODY does it. After a while of doing dinner and a movie and nothing else it will get boring. The purpose of these ideas is to have an EXPERIENCE together that gives you open space to talk and learn with each other. Shake it up and comment below if you try any of these!

Orianna

Marriage Uncut: Sex Perspectives (18+ only)

*deep sigh*

Sex is a touchy subject. Even as I’m writing this I have started and erased about ten different introductions. There are so many angles to come at this from and honestly that’s the point. Everyone has a different perspective on sex, what its purpose is, who they can have it with, and so on. However, as believers and especially as married believers, we are supposed to get our perspective on sex from God’s word. And the best part is there is A LOT of sex in the bible. Solomon actually wrote an entire book about it. The resources are available, we just have to buckle down and use them. However as the body of Christ we have used the resources in God’s word the way a three year old would handle a hot iron, so most of us are walking around here with a lot of burns.

I am one of those people and my marriage has paid the price for my lack of education about having sex God’s way.

Most of the time in religious households you are told one simple truth when it comes to sex: STAY AWAY. That doesn’t work well for teenagers at all. Fast forward about ten years and now you’re married and you have had all these different sources give you their perspective on sex.

Hollywood: Sex is exciting and fun, do it whenever you want, with whoever you want, as often as you can. You only get one life anyway.

School: Sex is dangerous. You can get pregnant or die from aids or other STD’s.

Parents (During the one conversation when you are twelve): There is a penis…and a vagina…and you should just wait till your married.

Church:*insert crickets here* FLEE FORNICATION OR YOU SHALL ROT IN HELL!!!

*Face palm*

Everybody has it wrong! We get married and we use these false perspectives when we approach sex with our spouses, which cause a HUGE mess. Feelings get hurt, people stop putting out, and the next thing you know somebody is cheating.

So what is the proper perspective to view sex?

It is supposed to be between a man and a woman. (Matthew 19:4-6)

It is supposed to be enjoyed with in marriage. (Song of Songs 3:5)

Its purpose is for procreation AND pleasure. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

Now that we know the perspective we should have on sex as Christians we have to change a few behaviors…

Stop using Jill Scott and Robin Thicke to pregame before sex. (1 John 2:15-17)

As talented as they are they have nothing to offer you anymore. No matter how much they sing about love and how innocent it may seem, the spirit behind it is ALWAYS lustful. That is not a spirit you want to bring into your marriage bed. It reduces your spouse to a cum bucket.

Don’t ask them to do anything that you have seen in a pornographic video. (Ephesians 5:3)

These people are not married and sometimes they are forced against their will to do the acts they perform in the videos. Why would you want your husband or wife, the person you have been praying for and dreaming about, to do the same acts as someone who might be a sex slave?

Pull the plug. (Hebrews 13:4)

Pornography has NO place in marriage at all. Block the sites, block the profiles, fast from using the internet, do what you have to do. You can’t truly enjoy your husband or your wife if you are having flashbacks from a video you watched last week and you need that to stay aroused.

X3watch.com is a great resource for those of you struggling with this.

Focus on each other. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

This may seem painfully obvious but after a long day it becomes clear how hard it is to turn over and actually focus on your spouse while having sex.

Don’t be a prude. (1 Corinthians 7:2)

The marriage bed is undefiled and as a married couple you NEED to have sex. It keeps the devil from tempting you and it keeps the spark alive. It is OK to use wax and food as a part of your sex play. It is NOT immoral to try a position other than missionary. Performing oral sex does NOT make you dirty and foreplay is NOT a waste of time.

Stop cutting your spouse off. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

You are married you are supposed to be having sex. You can’t use silly reasons to not have sex and you should NEVER use sex to manipulate your husband or wife into doing something.

Now I will be honest with you I haven’t always taken my own advice. I’ve watched more pornography than I care to divulge and I have lusted after a lot of men. But God is gracious and he has been patient with me and my husband. Over the last eleven months we began to realize that we were basically cheating ourselves out of a fulfilling sex life because of our sin and our perspective on sex in general. Now that we are actively pushing forward to honor God with our bodies as a married couple we have learned to let go of our old perspectives on sex, so that we can enjoy it and appreciate it that way it was intended to be used.

 Orianna