Sex is a touchy subject. Even as I’m writing this I have started and erased about ten different introductions. There are so many angles to come at this from and honestly that’s the point. Everyone has a different perspective on sex, what its purpose is, who they can have it with, and so on. However, as believers and especially as married believers, we are supposed to get our perspective on sex from God’s word. And the best part is there is A LOT of sex in the bible. Solomon actually wrote an entire book about it. The resources are available, we just have to buckle down and use them. However as the body of Christ we have used the resources in God’s word the way a three year old would handle a hot iron, so most of us are walking around here with a lot of burns.
I am one of those people and my marriage has paid the price for my lack of education about having sex God’s way.
Most of the time in religious households you are told one simple truth when it comes to sex: STAY AWAY. That doesn’t work well for teenagers at all. Fast forward about ten years and now you’re married and you have had all these different sources give you their perspective on sex.
Hollywood: Sex is exciting and fun, do it whenever you want, with whoever you want, as often as you can. You only get one life anyway.
School: Sex is dangerous. You can get pregnant or die from aids or other STD’s.
Parents (During the one conversation when you are twelve): There is a penis…and a vagina…and you should just wait till your married.
Church:*insert crickets here* FLEE FORNICATION OR YOU SHALL ROT IN HELL!!!
Everybody has it wrong! We get married and we use these false perspectives when we approach sex with our spouses, which cause a HUGE mess. Feelings get hurt, people stop putting out, and the next thing you know somebody is cheating.
So what is the proper perspective to view sex?
It is supposed to be between a man and a woman. (Matthew 19:4-6)
It is supposed to be enjoyed with in marriage. (Song of Songs 3:5)
Its purpose is for procreation AND pleasure. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
Now that we know the perspective we should have on sex as Christians we have to change a few behaviors…
Stop using Jill Scott and Robin Thicke to pregame before sex. (1 John 2:15-17)
As talented as they are they have nothing to offer you anymore. No matter how much they sing about love and how innocent it may seem, the spirit behind it is ALWAYS lustful. That is not a spirit you want to bring into your marriage bed. It reduces your spouse to a cum bucket.
Don’t ask them to do anything that you have seen in a pornographic video. (Ephesians 5:3)
These people are not married and sometimes they are forced against their will to do the acts they perform in the videos. Why would you want your husband or wife, the person you have been praying for and dreaming about, to do the same acts as someone who might be a sex slave?
Pull the plug. (Hebrews 13:4)
Pornography has NO place in marriage at all. Block the sites, block the profiles, fast from using the internet, do what you have to do. You can’t truly enjoy your husband or your wife if you are having flashbacks from a video you watched last week and you need that to stay aroused.
X3watch.com is a great resource for those of you struggling with this.
Focus on each other. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
This may seem painfully obvious but after a long day it becomes clear how hard it is to turn over and actually focus on your spouse while having sex.
Don’t be a prude. (1 Corinthians 7:2)
The marriage bed is undefiled and as a married couple you NEED to have sex. It keeps the devil from tempting you and it keeps the spark alive. It is OK to use wax and food as a part of your sex play. It is NOT immoral to try a position other than missionary. Performing oral sex does NOT make you dirty and foreplay is NOT a waste of time.
Stop cutting your spouse off. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
You are married you are supposed to be having sex. You can’t use silly reasons to not have sex and you should NEVER use sex to manipulate your husband or wife into doing something.
Now I will be honest with you I haven’t always taken my own advice. I’ve watched more pornography than I care to divulge and I have lusted after a lot of men. But God is gracious and he has been patient with me and my husband. Over the last eleven months we began to realize that we were basically cheating ourselves out of a fulfilling sex life because of our sin and our perspective on sex in general. Now that we are actively pushing forward to honor God with our bodies as a married couple we have learned to let go of our old perspectives on sex, so that we can enjoy it and appreciate it that way it was intended to be used.