5 Ways to Reconnect with your Spouse

Being married isn’t as difficult as many people make it. However if you are not intentional in your marriage it will grow dull and slip away from you. Staying connected with your spouse helps you both to remain on mission and fulfill your purpose as a couple. So I’ve compiled five tips that have helped me and hopefully they will inspire you to keep the flame alive.

Unplug

It is so easy to stay glued to our devices and ignore our spouses. So this is first because social media can take up HOURS of your day if you let it. All those hours could be better spent spending quality time with your spouse and rediscovering who they are. People grow all the time right under your nose and if you aren’t careful you can wake up next to a stranger.

Dates

Going on dates needs to be a regular occurrence in your household, whether you have children or not. Your spouse is your first ministry and second only to God on your list of priorities. Just remember you don’t have to break the bank to have a good time! Check out one of my previous blogs if you need some inspiration.

Stay in communication throughout the day

Check in on your spouse. If you work separate jobs you might have no idea what they are facing if you don’t ask. Give them time to vent on your lunch break or even via text, but I would say to check in at least once every day.

Have sex on a regular basis

There is a reason why God pushes married couples to have sex. Other than the obvious possibility of children sex allows you to be vulnerable and loved in a way that you can’t experience with any other human being. 1 Corinthians 7:5 clearly tells us to not deprive one another and the Song of Solomon gives you tons of ideas to keep things interesting in the bedroom. God is not anti-sex. It is a gift He has given to married people to help bring offspring into the world and raise them up to be Godly leaders while doubling as a tool of unparalleled human intimacy. Enjoy it.

Spend time in worship together

Last, but most certainly not least, spending time worshiping God together on a regular basis is probably one of the best things you could do for your relationship. Even if you do all the other tips and you ignore this one you are missing out on an experience that transforms you from the inside out. As a COUPLE. Worshiping alone is one thing, and it’s amazing, but sharing that intimate worship space with your spouse will blow your mind in a myriad of ways.

How do you reconnect with your spouse? Let me know in the comments!

Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook at facebook.com/oriannaofreverentia 

Joint Resolutions

During the build up to this New Year a lot of people made resolutions and are hoping that they will be able to achieve their goals. With 2018 just beginning I wanted to write something to my fellow married couples. In 2016 I made a LOT of resolutions, but because I never told my husband about them there were a LOT of unnecessary arguments that came up in 2017. By not communicating our goals we set ourselves up for failure. So last week we sat down and made sure that our goals for 2018 were clear and out in the open, we checked the temperature of our
relationship in general and made some joint resolutions for 2018.

Why is this important?

Great relationships don’t happen by chance, you have to be intentional. By checking on the different areas of your marriage (spiritual, physical, emotional, etc.) you avoid the trap of living in a complacent marriage.

What are the benefits of doing this?

Having clear goals for the year will help you consistently make choices that help you reach those goals instead of coasting through life hoping things will work out. The amount of arguments in the house birthed out of unmet expectations will drastically decrease because the expectations for the year have already been laid out.  Joint resolutions also encourage you to build a deeper camaraderie with your spouse because these goals are things that you have to lean on each other (and God) in order to accomplish.

What is a joint resolution you and your spouse have? Let me know in the comments!

Be sure to follow me on Facebook to catch up with me throughout the week! (Facebook.com/oriannaofreverentia)

 Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx0JXwWISJS1hwOF4Uti1Uw

Baby Fever

There was a time where I was positive that Baby Fever was a complete myth. I knew I wanted to get married from a young age but I wasn't sure if I wanted to jump on the kid train right after. However my subconscious (or the Holy Spirit?) seems to be working against my plan to wait till I've been married five years BEFORE I start having kids. I say this because for the past month or so, both me and my husband have had  vivid dreams about our future kids. And then I make the mistake of getting on Facebook and I see all my friends who have babies or who are currently pregnant and I wonder if it will happen to me. Then the feeling in the pit of my stomach starts gnawing at me and the urge to have a little bundle of my own grows stronger. Pictures such as these FLOOD my timeline:

Why must they be so CUTE!!!

As a modern christian woman I know that my worth is not tied to having a child. However, between the pictures and the dreams I feel the need to rush the timeline. Life has changed dramatically and since i'm not 16 and single pregnancy wouldn't be considered the end of my life. 

But after thinking and praying about it I have discovered that the root of my baby fever is unbalanced. The only reason I want to have kids is because I'm not completely content with the season I am currently in. On the surface everything looks great but I still want something more and for my brain the only answer to this problem is a BABY. 

That's a lie.

The answer to my contentment problem is God and evasive action.  More time praying and fasting and less time getting lost in baby pictures on Facebook. I might have to unfollow some of my friends until their kids get older. The key to my contentment is to find the joy in the mundane of this season. I have to look at my life logically and continue building both the spiritual and financial foundation that will be best to raise my kids in. I'm no longer going to let my brain trick me into rushing my timeline. I will go at the pace God has set for this family.

What are some ways you combat baby fever? Do you know what the root of your baby fever is? Comment below!

Peace & Blessings

#nokidsnoproblem

5 Ways to Appreciate your Spouse

With Thanksgiving finished we now begin the frantic rush to find the perfect Christmas gift. Now more than ever seems like a good time to remind your spouse how much you appreciate them. Between the family gatherings, holiday parties, and the MASSIVE amount of cooking it is easy to lose sight of your first ministry: your spouse. So here are 5 great ways to show your spouse that you appreciate them before Christmas morning.

Special Food

Since you are probably going to be spending a lot of time cooking anyway, make something special just for him. Make a plate of the food that you are already cooking, hide it and give it to him later when leftovers “run out” or whip up his favorite dessert. No matter what you do, food is universal for “Thank You”.

Private Praise (Be Specific)

Make a mental note of the ways that he helps you during this time. Simple things like making a holiday budget; keeping the bills paid, entertaining the kids while you’re cooking etc. It is always good to verbally express your appreciation for him shouldering his responsibilities well.

Public Praise

Be on the lookout for opportunities to praise him in front of others. In the event that your husbands love language is Words of Affirmation you will definitely help him realize how attentive you are to him, when you say it in front of others. Don't be obnoxious, but don't be shy either. 

Give him Alone Time

No matter what type of personality they have EVERYONE needs breathing room at times. Give your husband the space to hang out with the guys or just relax on his own. 

***Disclaimer: The only way this is effective is if you don't make him feel guilty for having alone time.***

Flip the Script

Surprise him by planning a date (find a sitter if necessary). The key to making this date special is to do something that he really likes that you might not have never tried before. For example my husband loves video games. I'm not a fan, but earlier this month I let him teach me the basics for a few hours and it wasn't that bad! Be unconventional and see what happens. 

Leave one way you appreciate your spouse (or any of your immediate loved ones) in the comments below!

Peace & Blessings 

Before I got married I actually didn’t think this could happen. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that the man I had prayed for would ever fail me. I had built up this unrealistic image in my head of what my husband would be like and how he would treat me. Now that I am in the thick of marriage I know the truth. Failure at some point in time during the duration of our marriage is inevitable. Not because he wants to fail me but simply because he is human. As I accepted this truth I found that giving John (my husband) grace was necessary for our survival as a couple.

In essence there are two ways that your husband can fail you.

He can fail to meet your expectations of what a husband should be.

This failure can be manifested in a variety of forms: mismanagement of finances, pornographic addictions, lack of self control, wild tempers etc. All of these things don’t fit into the bubble that we put our husbands in before we marry them.  And when they don’t pay the bills on time or bring home as much as we want them to, we get disappointed. When they fly off the handle and say vicious things just to win an argument we are baffled that they would stoop so low. And when they come home and tell us they had an affair with their secretary at work we are blinded by rage. As bad as these failures are, there is and even greater way that you husband can fail you. 

He can fail to meet God’s standard of what a husband should be.

As the head of the house, the husband has a great amount of responsibility that God gives him and when he fails in this area, the spiritual repercussions can echo for generations to come. When he doesn’t cover you and the family in prayer, when he doesn’t lead by example and push the family to fellowship at church on a weekly basis. When he worships other “gods” like his material possessions and doesn’t make the true God a priority, it is easy for the rest of the family to get relaxed about all things spiritual.

No matter what happens, as a wife we have to readily forgive our husbands when they fail us. We have to extend the same grace and mercy that Christ gives us every time we fail God. It is easy to get blinded by our husbands’ shortcomings, but if we live in unforgiveness we will become bitter, and all of those toxic emotions will choke the life out of your relationship. So accept his humanity and give him grace when he fails, the love that you continue to show him will cover his mistakes. (1 Peter 4:8 NIV) As his wife it is your job description to encourage him and forgive him on a regular basis. Cover him in prayer, be open about your feelings, and watch God transform the way you view his failures and the way you handle them.

Stay tuned for this week’s Friday FLO "Dealing with Difficult People" at 7 p.m. EDT on my page.

Peace and Blessings 

There a plethora of reasons why your husband can be grouchy.

A bad day at work.

Disrespectful kids.

The pressure to provide.

The list is endless. Our husbands go through a LOT. Leading a family is a huge responsibility to carry and honestly you can't really blame them if they get a little grouchy at times. The question is how do you help them come out of that grouchy state?

1. FEED HIM

It is incredible how much a good meal can change someone's mood. You can cook one of his favorite meals or take him out to dinner. Either way making sure he has a good meal in his stomach will do both of you a world of good. Especially if he doesn't have to pay.

2. Give him space

Whether it's playing a video game or taking a nap, give him some alone time. Most guys wrestle with their emotions inwardly and after they get the time to do that their mood changes. Alone time  allows them to distress and create a plan of action to handle whatever is bothering them.

3. Pray with him

Depending on his level of grouchiness he might not want to pray with you. In that case you should pray for him on your own. Either way you have to take the issue that is causing him to feel out of sorts to the Father. Remember a marriage consists of three parties: you, your husband, and God. anytime the two of you are having a rough day take it to prayer and God will help you sort it out. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

***BONUS***

If you haven't had sex in a while and there are no medical reasons that are keeping you from engaging in sex, it might be time to pull out the lingerie. Both of you need that time of intimacy. If you are letting you schedules keep you from handling your business in the bedroom, then you need to rearrange your priorities. We all know that men are visual creatures especially when it comes to how they express themselves sexually. Abstinence in marriage opens the door for temptation. (I Corinthians 7:5) Keep it sexy.

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No matter what you do, make sure you don't try to change your husband. You are not his Holy Spirit. Some people are more sullen and laid back than others and that is O.K. At the end of the day you are his help mate. So help him as best you can and leave the rest up to God.

How to Communicate with your Spouse

One of the first things that any wise married person will tell you is that communication is the backbone of a marriage.

It takes a lot of maturity to get to this level. 

The same way your spine influences every other part of your body, your communication skills affect every other area of your marriage. Most arguments start because of miscommunication. It feels like they are speaking another language and you just can’t get through to them. Thankfully the book of Proverbs gives us some tips on how to communicate the right way.

Be tactful.

If you are already in a heated argument make sure that you “package your words correctly. Stay respectful and stay calm. That will help keep both of you from getting hurt and help resolve the situation faster.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Be discerning.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you figure out when you need to speak up and when you need to be quiet. 50% of communication is listening to the other person. It isn’t always all about you and your feelings.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even tempered.” Proverbs 17:27

Think before you open your mouth.

You cannot let your feelings take lead in your conversation. Feelings are fickle and you will end up looking foolish. Slow down and think about what you are going to say and how you are going to explain your point of view BEFORE you start talking.

“Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Proverbs 29:20

Follow their instructions.

In marriage, God puts two imperfect people together to create a perfect union with Him at the center. As husband and wife you balance each other out. Depending on the situation you should follow your spouse’s instructions. For example, I am directionally challenged, John is not. So whenever we are on the road and I am driving I follow his instructions. I let him act as my GPS, because I know for a fact that getting around Charleston (or anywhere for that matter) is not my strong suit. On the other hand, John has more challenges in the kitchen than I do. So when we are cooking together he follows my lead. Because we listen to each other we never get lost and we have good food in the house.

“He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.” Proverbs 13:13

It takes a lot of maturity to actively practice effective communication. It is not easy to hold onto your tongue when you want to tell you husband off. It takes a lot of strength to not be petty. Being mean is easy, it is part of our sin nature. But through the Holy Spirit we have the ability to be kind and loving with our words. We can only speak the truth in love when we let Him lead us. And when we start doing that, we begin building the foundation for a strong and healthy marriage.  

Check out my youtube channel tonight for a new video: "How to adjust to Married Life"

The Nagging Wife

I’ll be honest with ya’ll I’ve never understood the reasoning behind why women nag. If you are married people automatically assume that it happens all the time. The picture in their head probably looks something like this:

The husband provides everything and is secretly unhappy. The wife is this excessively demanding she witch, that takes care of the house and the kids, while completely ignoring herself and her husband. Nobody is getting any sex.

This is dysfunctional on so many levels but I want to focus on the wife. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and making your requests known. However there is a big difference between asking your husband to take out the trash one time, in a nice voice, and asking him to take out the trash every ten minutes, while gradually getting more and more disrespectful. The latter makes your husband feel like he’s listening to nails on a chalk board. The word describes it this way:

“…a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof” Proverbs 19: 13(NIV)

Aka the biblical version of water boarding.

So what is the root issue that causes a wife to be nagging, quarrelsome, and contentious? Simple, lack of trust, you nag him until you get your way because you don’t believe he will handle it when and how you want it handled. You don’t trust him so you spend your time trying to control him by nagging.

Ladies it is beyond time for us to stop treating our husbands like they are our children. Trust God enough to fight your battles. Your husband is a grown man. You only need to say it once, trust that God will take care of the rest.

We always say that we are women who trust and believe God to handle everything. I think it’s time we start acting like it.

Orianna

Marriage... whats the point?

When you look at marriage from a worldly perspective there are only a few incentives; tax write offs, combined income, psychological support through life, etc. These are all well and good, and they promote a healthy society in general. But when you look at marriage through a spiritual lens you see that it has a bigger purpose. The point of being married is the same as everything else in the universe, to glorify God. It is a gift that we can only take advantage of in this existence (Matt. 22:30 NIV), and marriage fulfills its purpose in three exclusive ways.

Marriage acts as a safe place to explore, understand, and enjoy sex.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul explains that because of the great amount of immorality it was best for each person to have their own husband or wife, so that they would not participate in the illicit sexual practices that were taking place around them. Those words still apply to us today. Sex with in marriage is the equivalent of living at Disney world. Sex outside of marriage is the equivalent of riding a rickety homemade roller coaster. It’s just not safe. No matter how "fun" it may seem.

Marriage is designed to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church.

Throughout scripture, God refers to the church as his bride. In Ephesians, Paul explains how married couples should emulate Christ’s relationship with the church in three ways.

1.      The cycle of love and respect

2.      The cycle of sanctification

3.      Unity and Intimacy

As husbands and wives strive to meet these standards they show case Gods glory in their marriage.

Sounds beautiful, but boy is it difficult to do. The trick is not to give up on these standards when it gets hard. When I don’t respect my husband it is hard for him to continue to show me love. When he doesn’t lead me spiritually it is hard for me to continue to respect him. Without intimacy and unity, we become more like roommates or business partners instead of a married couple. So realizing these facts I have to keep pushing to make it work. I keep Philippians 3:14 at the forefront of my mind when I want to give up and let my sinful nature take over.

So my question to you is: who are you giving glory to? If you aren’t striving to give God glory, you are dishonoring him by default. Keep fighting the good fight, this is bigger than you.

Orianna

Marriage Uncut: Conflict

“I CAN’T STAND YOU!”

To this day John Franklin Sells is the only person on earth who knows how to make my blood boil. However the purpose of this blog is not to bash my husband, but to look at the root causes of conflict in marriage. Such as:

The example your parents did (or didn’t) set for you.

We follow in our parents’ footsteps more than we are willing to realize or admit. We grow up watching the way they interact and we model our reactions to our spouses after theirs. For example sometimes I act like my mother and I shut down. Sometimes I act like my father and I speak in spiteful and violent tones. My parents made the mistake of spending a lot of time fighting in front of us kids, so I got a front row seat to a lot of their issues and how they handled them. When I got married last year I began to notice that I followed their patterns.

The spirit of rebellion

This is where things get a little creepy. If you aren’t a Christian you might not get it. Basically when you become a Christian you get a target put on your back and this target gets bigger the closer you get to God and the more you serve him and love others. There are two realms that we operate in, the spiritual and the natural. The demonic forces that live in the spiritual realm will influence happenings in the natural realm and they will spend more time on Christians with bigger targets. They have a habit of actively trying to ruin i.e. end your life at any opportunity they can find. We are in a spiritual war and the spirit of rebellion will try to find its way into your marriage and set up camp. Why? Satan hates marriage, he goes out of his way to destroy it, and he uses the spirit of rebellion to do that. The way you can tell that it is a spirit is because it will leave a pattern. Spirits are creatures of habit. Once they find a way that works they will continue using that same problem push you deeper into the pit of contention.  Wives in particular get into trouble with this because the bible specifically tells us to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-23). Because our husbands are human we have difficulty doing that and since we live in the 21^st century our culture has programmed us to push against biblical submission.

Pride

This is a mindset that a lot of us independent women have. Yes, I said us because I do this too. We know how to handle everything and we don’t need help. The bible say pride comes before the fall (Proverbs 16:18). God knows how to humble people. I don’t know about you but I would rather humble myself than be humbled by God, because that is not a fun experience.

(Check out what happened to King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4).

Lack of Self Control

This is probably the biggest root of conflict. We simply do not know how to control ourselves. When it comes to our finances, our appetites, our emotions etc. we have absolutely no idea how to tell ourselves no, especially in the midst of a fight. Our emotions cloud our judgment and we end up turning into this nasty, petty, sliver of a woman who puts her need to be right over peace and unity in her home.

Let love be your highest goal, even when it hurts.

At the end of the day it’s never about who left the bathroom a mess or who should wash the dishes.  The struggle is in how you handle these issues. If you are being controlled by the Holy Spirit you will find that even in the midst of disagreements you still have sound judgment and the other person’s needs are at the forefront of your mind. You will have disagreements, the goal isn’t to stop fighting, that is impossible. The goal is to fight the right way, with a clear mind and a gentle spirit.

So how do we cut off conflict at the root?

Well, we need to make sure we are spending time with the Lord DAILY. Praying for direction, for our husbands, for our attitudes, and putting on the full armor of God to prepare for battle. This one action when done consistently disables the roots of foolish and pointless conflicts between you and your spouse. The more time you spend with God the more you become like him. The more time you spend in his word the more your mind is renewed and when you operate under a renewed mind you will respond differently to the conflicts that come up in marriage.

Now sometimes you need to do a spiritual detox of sorts. Because let’s be honest we clutter our minds with trashy t.v., godless music, social media, and a whole host of other things that have nothing to do with the things of God. So if you are noticing that you just can’t seem to push past all the filth in your spirit, it’s probably time to do a fast or as some of my friends say “turn over the plate”. Traditional fasting allows you to remove your meals and replace them with bible study and prayer. But food isn’t the only area where you can abstain. Social media, television, and ungodly music can all be things that we fast from. Just like a physical detox of the body, fasting helps purge out the toxins in your spirit, by overloading your system with the word of God and his presence. As you grow closer to God you will notice those roots start to wither. That generational curse of having a bad attitude all the time, gets broken. Even though your mother had a bad attitude and always talked down about your dad, you respect your husband because you realize that when you tear him down not only are you being disrespectful, but you are hurting yourself because you two are one flesh. You spend so much time in prayer that any demons that dare come near you don’t stay long because they can’t stand  being in God’s presence. That’s why you have to push to dwell with him at all times. That’s why the bible says pray without ceasing (1Thessalonians 5:16-18). You begin to get an understanding of the sovereignty and majesty of God, so whatever pride you had is quickly extinguished. Lastly because God’s spirit lives in you begin to experience victory in the area of self-control.

This simple idea of spending time with God on a daily basis is not easy. But for the sake of having peace in your heart and in your home, I would suggest you give it a try. If you can’t do it in the morning find another time. Lunch breaks, after the kids finally go to sleep, or even on the way to work. We find time for what we deem important. How valuable is your peace?

Until next time,

Orianna

Marriage Uncut: Body Image

We all know the verse Psalms 139:14 … I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Well for a long time I struggled to accept that. For the majority of my life I struggled with a negative body image and those struggles followed me into marriage. Even to this day I have to push to not compare my looks with my friends. From the time I was eight until I got to college I avoided mirrors. Every time someone complimented me I thought they did it out of pity instead of sincerity. The bullies at school did nothing but affirm my negative self image.

“Your body is disgusting; no one wants to see that!”
 -Middle School Locker Room

“Your nose makes you look like a shark. You should get surgery.”
- High School Backstage

“She is so ugly she will never get a man.”
- High School, Dance Class

 Years have passed, the voices of my naysayers have faded, and I have forgiven those who used to mistreat me. However, I still have a small voice in the back of my head that will speak up on occasion and tell me, I’m too fat, I’m not good enough, and I will never be able to change. The only difference is now I'm married. 

WAIT... shouldn't that change everything?

Not necessarily..

If I know I am physically desirable to my husband, why do I STILL feel like this. Well at the end of the day the way I view my body has nothing to do with him. He can tell me I am the most beautiful woman in the world until he is blue in the face, but until I believe that I am attractive it won’t make a difference. Since the beginning of 2017 God has been showing me how much power is in the mind. Encouragement is great but until you believe that you are beautifully and uniquely made, the voices won’t stop.

Now i’m not here trying to offer you a ten steps to fix your body image in two weeks, but I will tell you that consistently focusing on these two things will drastically change the way you view yourself in the long run.

   

God made me unique.

The first one helps you to accept the things you can’t permanently change. The freckles, the moles, the hair line etc. You can put on makeup all day long but at some point you have to wash your face and take off your wig. Recognizing that God made you unique and cognitively accepting that helps you to change your perspective on what you see when you look in the mirror.

I will be healthy.

This is the really HARD one. This requires changes in your activity level and what you eat on a consistent basis. Some of us are down on ourselves and hate the weight, but we eat an XL pizza at 3 am every night. That is not conducive to a positive body transformation. You have to cut out the junk, get off the couch, and push to be the best you possible. It's time to stop idolizing Keyshia Ka'oir your body will never look like hers. You have to set realistic goals, within a realistic time period, for YOUR body. 

I still fight to focus on these truths EVERYDAY. Just like I have to crucify the flesh daily and fill myself with the word, I have to rebuke the negative thoughts about my body and remind myself the I am uniquely made and that I will consistently choose to be healthy. Sometimes it is a second by second decision, but it is worth it.

For your husband, your children, and you, it is worth it.  

Orianna 

Things I wish I knew BEFORE I got married...

Flowers by Faithful Flora

For the record, I have only been married for nine months as of this blog posting. I am NOT an expert. However, there are a few things I wish I could tell my younger self about being married.

1.     Guard your spirit vigilantly.

There are certain places you no longer need to go any more, friends you no longer need to hang out with, and even music you no longer need to listen to. Everything you allow into your space has the potential to uplift or erode your marriage.

2.      Never get comfortable.

It’s easy to get lost in the humdrum routine of everyday life. After the honeymoon phase (year one to three), the cute text messages could stop. Conversations can become lackadaisical. The sex that used to leave you feigning for more can become listless and average. This is the most dangerous place for a marriage to be, because as soon as someone or something comes along that shakes up the routine, the doorway to trouble is wide open. The way you keep that door closed is by mixing it up. In the bedroom, in the kitchen, and on date nights, you have to change up the routine and actively push to learn more about the person you married. They are growing and changing and if you don’t pay attention, you will wake up with a stranger in your bed.

3.      Don’t let yourself go physically.

One of the first things that may have attracted you to your spouse was their looks. Both men and women are wired to notice the attractiveness of a person’s face/body. The choice of pursuit follows from there. That being said, marriage is not all expense paid trip to the city of never ending sweatpants. You have to put in the same effort to keep your figure in check as you did when you were dating (if possible). Plus, you want to be around for a while. Health is VERY important.

Since this blog is for a friend of mine who is going to be getting married very soon, I’m including some tips on marriage from my parents and grandparents below!

Parents

·         Keep your priorities in order. God, spouse, family, then friends. When this list gets out of order, your marriage will suffer the consequences.

·         Talk about how you want to raise your children. If you are not on the same page as your spouse, it will get messy.

·         Keep dating!

·         Budget your money and take a course on finances if you can. “Financial Peace” by Dave Ramsey is amazing.

·         (For wives) Don’t let him handle everything. If you don’t understand life insurance, banking, directions, and so forth, push to learn that NOW. Your husband is not immortal and if something happens, you will have to handle the repercussions life throws at you.

·         Don’t let gender roles dictate your marriage. Be thoughtful outside of those roles.

·         Make a daily routine for laundry, cooking, and cleaning before you have kids. It makes the transition to parenthood easier.

Grandparents

·         Marriage is all about sacrifice. It’s best to be sure you both have the same goal in mind for your future. Realize their desires and think about what you are giving up. Are you willing to let some of your dreams go to make sure that your joint goals for life are accomplished?

·         Be patient when it comes to your spouses’ insecurities. Some people trust you as far as they can throw you because of what has happened in their past. If it is a deep seated issue, talk to a pastor or a licensed marriage counselor.

·         Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.

·         Understand their background and how that will affect their behavior.

·         Temptation will still try to get at you but you have to be strong in spite of the pressure. Sometime your spouses’ “friends” will go as far as to offer you money… when you are lacking…for a piece of “cake”. Allow God to be your provider in those moments of temptation.

·         Do your best to stay employed. Two incomes are better than one, no matter the amount.

All in all marriage is not for the faint of heart. But by God I’m not going anywhere!

Orianna