Looking Forward

The future will always be a daunting place. No matter how much you plan and prepare the unknown is always waiting around the corner. If I’m being honest this scares me. I crave stability and structure, which is why my goals for 2018 were penned in October. The problem is I did the same thing in 2016 hoping that this year would be different, but looking back most of my plans fell through. I failed in many areas. I disappointed myself, my family, my friends, and God numerous times, intentionally on many occasions. 

With all of the twists and turns that happened this year, 2017 was still good. I’ve grown a lot as a person and as much as my mind wants to look back and wallow in self pity over my failures, God calls me to do something different, look forward. God reminds me to keep planning even though I don’t know if I’ll meet all my goals. To love others even though I don’t know if they will hurt me. God spurs me on when I feel like giving up. He never asks me to ignore my past; he just asks that I focus on the future instead. Focus was the word he told me more than once in my quiet time last week. Honestly I can’t blame him, he’s probably been saying that for years but I’ve been too distracted to pay attention. But when I surrendered my life to this ministry, his voice became clearer and I can’t focus on what’s behind me. Yes the business failed, yes I have disrespected my husband, and yes I have had days where I surrendered to darkness instead of God. But the future is still there, with all of its twists and turns and if I jump off the cliff backwards it’s a LOT scarier than if I dive face forward. I don’t know what’s coming in 2018, but I have planned, and I have prayed, and I know who holds my tomorrows, however many there may be left.  So instead of being afraid of my plans falling through or worrying about disappointing those closest to me I am choosing to look forward, holding my father’s hand, and diving into 2018 together.

What are you looking forward to in 2018? Comment below!

Follow me on Facebook at Facebook.com/oriannaofreverentia

  

The Myth Behind the Independent Woman

Western society is enamored with the idea of self reliance. Dependency is looked at as a weakness. A lot of women in western society have bought into the hype that being independent is the ultimate goal of life. I used to be one of those women. I would say things like:

“I have to take care of myself because nobody else will.”

“At the end of the day I’m the only one I can depend on.”

One of my past boyfriends actually made “Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo his ringtone for me (side note: I thank God I didn’t marry him.)

I believed the lie that with just enough hard work, just enough money, and just enough education, I could be independent from everyone. Independence is a lie for two reasons: first, the ultimate goal of life is to glorify God in all that we do (Col. 3:17) and second, there is no such thing as an independent person.

Financially responsible, yes.

Emotionally stable, sure.

Spiritually grounded, absolutely.

But we as humans do NOT have the ability to be independent. Everyone has to lean on someone or something at some point throughout their lifetime to function successfully.

The single career woman depends on her company to stay in business so she can pay her bills.

The married woman with kids depends on her husband to help raise them.

Even the woman with the financial clout of Oprah depends on her team of advisors to keep everything in order so she can continue to live comfortably.

Nobody is independent, but we fight tooth and nail to reach a state that God alone possesses. As women of God we must reevaluate our perspective of dependency. Weakness is not a liability when acknowledge God as your only source of strength. Webster defines dependence as the quality or state of being influenced, determined by, or subject to another. Think of the addict who has a dependence on painkillers. They can’t function without them. We have to get to a place spiritually where we can’t function without God. We need to be “addicted” to his presence. Our eyes have to look above the job, the husbands, and the money to realize that God is the source of it all. Even when we try to place material possessions or relationships as our source of fulfillment he is still responsible for every breath in our lungs and every beat of our hearts. We are all dependent on God whether we acknowledge him or not.

Today I implore you to put aside your pride and realize that all our efforts to be independent are futile because for all of humanity, there is no such thing. The good news is when you put your hope in God and depend on him alone, nothing is impossible. 

Why Does God Hate Divorce?

Picture it, September 2011. I am home on fall break from school and my mom takes me out to pick up groceries for the house. As we are driving to the store I catch her up on school and she gives me updates about the church. The topic turns to the family and when she starts talking about my dad her entire demeanor changes for the worse. I listened to her vent about her frustrations that had been pent up over ten years of being in North Carolina and it not going as she had planned. We pull into the store parking lot; she cuts off the car and stares out at the rain. We sit together in silence for a moment and then she tells me that she and my father are going to get a divorce. I always knew my parents hadn’t had a particularly happy marriage, but when she told me they were getting a divorce a mixture of anger, sadness, and frustration churned in my chest. From that moment on I started looking up scriptures to help her come back to her senses. I found three instances in the bible and all of them basically say the same thing: God hates divorce. 

My question was, why?

If two people are unhappy or if there is infidelity, or even abuse God should be ok with divorce as long as you have a good reason….

Or so I thought.

Whether your reasons are justified or not God still hates divorce. Simply because: marriage is meant to last for life. When a couple gets married that covenant is supposed to be upheld for as long as they live, through kids, sickness, death and all the other hardships of life that come our way. Marriage itself has a twofold purpose, first, to act as a physical example to the world of God’s unconditional love and second, to produce godly offspring. When you get divorced you can no longer fulfill the first purpose and fulfilling the second purpose becomes extremely difficult. Co-parenting without living in the confines of marriage is a near impossibility. Thankfully we serve a God who specializes in the impossible.

God knows what divorce does to the couple involved, the children, and society at large as a result; however there are some exceptional times where you would be justified in getting a divorce.

Abuse

In Malachi 2:16 directly after God expresses his disdain for divorce he says “I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as his garment.” Some translations say: “I hate a man’s covering his wife with violence as well as his garment.” (AMPC) God has not and never will be on the side of an abusive spouse. If you find yourself in that situation you need to leave.

Infidelity

Matthew 19:9 and Mathew 5:32 make most people believe that you can point to unfaithfulness as a loophole and grounds for an automatic divorce. Since adultery is a form of sexual immorality technically speaking you would be justified in getting a divorce from a consistently unfaithful spouse. However, when you look at the scriptures in their cultural context, you discover a deeper meaning. In Jewish tradition marriage takes place in two stages; the betrothal (kiddushin, where the bride accepts the man’s proposal, her family accepts the bride price and they pay the dowry) and fully fledged marriage (nisuin, where the bride a broom move in together and they partake of the wedding feast). There was about a year between these two stages; however once you were in the betrothal stage you were seen as husband and wife in the sight of God and the law.  Matthew is speaking to individuals stuck in the space between kiddushin and nisuin, where a lot of divorces took place because of that long separation and lack of intimacy.

Divorce was never a part of God’s will for his people it is a result of our sin nature. If you are in the position where you are considering divorce and you are justified in getting one according to scripture. I implore you to continue to seek God and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. If you are seeking a divorce and scripture is not in agreement with your reasons for getting one I implore you to do the same thing. Marriage is meant to last for life. Divorce is not a decision to be made lightly whether it is justified or not God still hates it. And he still loves you divorced or not.

Peace and Blessings

3 Habits I’m leaving in 2017

December is my favorite month for two reasons.

1) Christmas

2) New Year’s Resolutions

I have been thinking about 2018 since October. This year has flown by and thankfully I am not the same woman I was at the beginning of this year. In the spirit of progress here are 3 habits I’m leaving in 2017.

1. Insecurity about my looks

From the time I was twelve I have hated the way I look. Thankfully over the past thirteen years I have gotten more comfortable in my skin. However there are still small things that I do to cover up and hide. Although I don’t wear much of it, make up has been something I’ve been hiding behind and I am leaving that habit in 2017. Unless it’s a formal event or performance I will be bare faced and free!

2. Weight Gain

Since my thyroid surgery in 2013 I have been steadily gaining weight. I got comfortable with my size and fell into a defeatist mindset about losing weight and being healthy. At the beginning of this year I weighed over 200 lbs., thankfully through consistent exercise and portion control I have dropped 20 lbs and a pants size! Before 2017 I was comfortable with my unhealthy eating habits and my lazy exercise habits. This year has sparked a change and I am going to continue fighting to break through every plateau I reach as I push to live a healthy life.

3. Spiritual Laziness

I am beyond done taking everyone’s word for it when it comes to God. I have been stuck in a cycle of laziness with my faith for years. And I am at the point that I refuse to spend the rest of my life as an average Christian with basic bible knowledge and a half committed heart. The biggest way I hope to change this is increase the frequency of my quiet time and the amount of scripture I memorize. I want to know God for myself from his word as 2 Timothy 2:15 pushes us all to do. As much as I love my pastor and the different bible study tools I have access to, I don’t want them to be the anchor of my faith I want his Word to be my anchor.

What habits are you leaving in 2017? Tell me about it in the comments!

Peace and Blessings

Baby Fever

There was a time where I was positive that Baby Fever was a complete myth. I knew I wanted to get married from a young age but I wasn't sure if I wanted to jump on the kid train right after. However my subconscious (or the Holy Spirit?) seems to be working against my plan to wait till I've been married five years BEFORE I start having kids. I say this because for the past month or so, both me and my husband have had  vivid dreams about our future kids. And then I make the mistake of getting on Facebook and I see all my friends who have babies or who are currently pregnant and I wonder if it will happen to me. Then the feeling in the pit of my stomach starts gnawing at me and the urge to have a little bundle of my own grows stronger. Pictures such as these FLOOD my timeline:

Why must they be so CUTE!!!

As a modern christian woman I know that my worth is not tied to having a child. However, between the pictures and the dreams I feel the need to rush the timeline. Life has changed dramatically and since i'm not 16 and single pregnancy wouldn't be considered the end of my life. 

But after thinking and praying about it I have discovered that the root of my baby fever is unbalanced. The only reason I want to have kids is because I'm not completely content with the season I am currently in. On the surface everything looks great but I still want something more and for my brain the only answer to this problem is a BABY. 

That's a lie.

The answer to my contentment problem is God and evasive action.  More time praying and fasting and less time getting lost in baby pictures on Facebook. I might have to unfollow some of my friends until their kids get older. The key to my contentment is to find the joy in the mundane of this season. I have to look at my life logically and continue building both the spiritual and financial foundation that will be best to raise my kids in. I'm no longer going to let my brain trick me into rushing my timeline. I will go at the pace God has set for this family.

What are some ways you combat baby fever? Do you know what the root of your baby fever is? Comment below!

Peace & Blessings

#nokidsnoproblem

5 Ways to Appreciate your Spouse

With Thanksgiving finished we now begin the frantic rush to find the perfect Christmas gift. Now more than ever seems like a good time to remind your spouse how much you appreciate them. Between the family gatherings, holiday parties, and the MASSIVE amount of cooking it is easy to lose sight of your first ministry: your spouse. So here are 5 great ways to show your spouse that you appreciate them before Christmas morning.

Special Food

Since you are probably going to be spending a lot of time cooking anyway, make something special just for him. Make a plate of the food that you are already cooking, hide it and give it to him later when leftovers “run out” or whip up his favorite dessert. No matter what you do, food is universal for “Thank You”.

Private Praise (Be Specific)

Make a mental note of the ways that he helps you during this time. Simple things like making a holiday budget; keeping the bills paid, entertaining the kids while you’re cooking etc. It is always good to verbally express your appreciation for him shouldering his responsibilities well.

Public Praise

Be on the lookout for opportunities to praise him in front of others. In the event that your husbands love language is Words of Affirmation you will definitely help him realize how attentive you are to him, when you say it in front of others. Don't be obnoxious, but don't be shy either. 

Give him Alone Time

No matter what type of personality they have EVERYONE needs breathing room at times. Give your husband the space to hang out with the guys or just relax on his own. 

***Disclaimer: The only way this is effective is if you don't make him feel guilty for having alone time.***

Flip the Script

Surprise him by planning a date (find a sitter if necessary). The key to making this date special is to do something that he really likes that you might not have never tried before. For example my husband loves video games. I'm not a fan, but earlier this month I let him teach me the basics for a few hours and it wasn't that bad! Be unconventional and see what happens. 

Leave one way you appreciate your spouse (or any of your immediate loved ones) in the comments below!

Peace & Blessings 

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays can be awesome but if you don’t plan correctly they can send your cortisol levels through the roof. This is the time of year where you are around two kinds of people; those who know you really REALLY well and have the ability to stay on your LAST nerve or those who are trying too hard to get to know you and have an opinion about EVERYTHING  you have ever done in the history of existence. Between fellowshipping with family, keeping the house in order, and serving at church, the holidays can easily become a time you dread instead of what they are meant to be, a HOLIDAY. So here are a few tips to help you survive: 

Don’t add projects to your schedule last minute.

Last minute plans always lead to unnecessary stress. There is nothing wrong with saying no to people. Your mental health is more important. It doesn’t matter who it is: church family, lifelong friends or you grandmother. If it’s the week of Christmas and they are asking you to make a huge change that you have to go out of your way to do, you should probably say no. As of now we have 42 days left until Christmas. Get your travel plans and itineraries together now so you can actually enjoy time with your family.

Take care of home first.

Speaking of family, the people in your house are your first priority. For example, if it’s not in the budget to go to the family reunion this year, that’s ok. Save up and make arrangements for next year. It is unwise to put your household in dire straits to impress people. A lot of people go into a great deal of debt at this time of year trying to make it out to all the family events with the nicest gifts. That is unnecessary and honestly it is financially irresponsible. The most effective way to take care of your home is to actually BE at home, so if you can’t afford to go, DON’T. Show love to the people in your house by keeping them at the top tier of your priority list.  

Plan time for yourself now, (there is value in slipping away).

One thing that I have noticed about the holidays is that I have a habit of neglecting my quiet time when I’m around my family. The funny thing is I need the Holy Spirit to guide me all the more when I’m with my family because they know how to push all my buttons. No matter how far you travel make sure you take your bible with you. There is not a single family event that you will go to where you won’t need the Holy Spirit to help you hold your tongue, give you discernment, and keep you at peace in the midst of everyone else’s chaos. So find moments where you can slip away, pray, and breathe. Make room for your quiet time when you know the family will be sleeping or out getting groceries. The time is there you just have to steward it correctly.

As we step into the thick of the Holiday season I pray that you will protect your peace and keep your priorities in order. 

Peace & Blessings

Why are we here?

The human race has been asking this question since the dawn of time. Christian or not the purpose of our existence is to glorify God. Romans 11:36 sums it up well.

For from him and through him and to him are all things.

 To him be the glory forever. Amen.

There is nothing in our universe or present existence that is not designed to testify of God’s glory.

However when we make this ideology personal, our sin nature complicates everything. At our core we do not desire God (Romans 3:11), however through supernatural salvation and sanctification we are able to stand before God and be accepted by him. All of us have a purpose in this life, specific people we are supposed to touch, and a unique path to follow.  Unfortunately most of us spend our lives fumbling in the dark just trying to survive in this crazy, cut throat world. We should aspire to do more than survive, exist comfortably for a few decades, and die. The only way we can combat that lifestyle is to learn God’s specific purpose for us and then walk boldly in that calling. The most beautiful thing about this is that God is not trying to hide your calling from you. Your calling is as unique as your finger print, and God desires for you to know what he wants you to do with your life. But we will never find it if we go to sources outside of God for the answer.  

Life coaches, professors, and even your parents can’t truly give you an in-depth play by play of how your life should go. God made you and he knows you in ways that you can’t even begin to know yourself. Therefore its stands to reason that the first and only place you should begin your search is through spending time with him in his word. This process helps you to discover your identity in Christ and it uproots ungodly perspectives and expectations on how you should live. After you begin your journey it is always a good idea to get an accountability partner or a group of people to help you discover your purpose. God himself lives in community; you do not have to figure this all out on your own.

On that note I would like to become a part of your community. I am hosting an event called “Seven Days of Purpose” with the goal to jump start you into discovering your unique God given calling. I will be using the bible and the book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Everything will be online so you can join from ANYWHERE. Follow the link, it starts Sunday 10/29/2017.

Being a Woman

It’s deeper than your DNA (although that is a pre-requisite). The bible gives us countless examples of what it means. At its core being a woman means that you are the tech support of society. We were designed to help. Not just within the confines of marriage but in a vast array of other relationships. It is our primary function and but it isn’t our instinctive response. Because of sin, our nature has been twisted to help self first before anyone else. God calls us away from that mindset and into a whole new perspective on what it means to be a woman and how we view ourselves in the grand scheme of it all. One of the most profound sermons I have heard to date was John Pipers: “Sacred Schizophrenia”. In this talk, Piper explains how important it is to actively take up your cross and choose a path of opposition to the world’s way of thinking and behaving. Because we as women have been marginalized, sexualized and persecuted for millennia we have erected ideologies that seem progressive and helpful on the surface but the core of the ideology is unbiblical, because it comes from our own sinful desire to help ourselves first. 

For example feminism seeks to advance women’s equality in all aspects of society. However, when you look at feminism through a biblical lens you realize that the end goal of it all is to ignore the differences between men and women and in turn erase gender all together. The bible counters that by celebrating the differences between the sexes, and making the bold statement that both men and women play indispensable roles in God’s ultimate plan for the universe. 

Does this mean that we can’t seek justice for wrongs done to womankind? 

Does this mean that we should not advocate for equal pay or paid maternity/paternity leave? 

The answer is a resounding no! For Christian women, feminist ideologies and agendas must be viewed through a biblical lens. Once you have established that base you have to use discernment about what you advocate and seek justice for, and you can walk forward, confident that you are doing the right thing based on God’s standards. The same is true for traditional gender roles. Biblical gender roles capitalize on the strengths of both sexes to create a formidable foundation for a godly society. Traditional gender roles have twisted God’s standards and led to societal ills such as corrupt justice systems, unequal pay, and rape culture.

The time to get a true grasp on womanhood founded on God's principles is long overdue. Many of us walk around trying to make plans for a Utopian society in our own strength, not realizing that God already has a plan for us. His plan includes women and the sooner we understand and walk in our respective purposes as women the closer we are to seeing God’s plan unfold in our reality. 

A reality where we accept and affirm the fact that we are both equally indispensable and we operate in an interdependent existence( 1 Corinthians 11:11-12). A reality where we realize that we are both created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). A reality where we take our place a fellow heirs in Christ (1 Peter 3:7).

Sharing your Faith

Witnessing to others about Christ can be a daunting task, especially when you first start out. To me personally there are few things that scare me more than going up to a perfect stranger and asking the question “Do you know Jesus?” That fear kept me from sharing my faith for a very long time. However, when I got to college I realized that witnessing was more dynamic than just a conversation with a stranger. Over time even the fear of approaching a stranger with the gospel began to subside, because I found my witnessing niche. In Matthew 28:19-20, Jesus gives us the great commission and tells us that we are to go into all the world and make disciples. Later on in the New Testament Paul gives us details on exactly how that works.

1 Corinthians 12:28-29

²⁸ And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles?   

These verses speak on the spiritual gifts God bestows on believers to testify as witnesses to the glory and power of God. When it comes to sharing your faith, variety is one of the key components to remember. Once I realized that I wasn’t called to share my faith like my pastor or an evangelist from overseas, I began to focus on how I could affect the people in my sphere of influence for Christ. As I began to get comfortable operating in my gifts I found that there were some similarities that connected me to other members of universal church.

First of no matter how you share your faith you can’t treat people like projects. Being relational and truly stepping into their life because you care about them is more likely to bring them to Christ than if you hold them at arm’s length. Secondly you have to strive to be consistent. The person they see at church should be the same person they run into at the store and the same person they see on social media. Although we can never be perfect we should always strive to flee from hypocrisy in any area of our lives. The scripture says to avoid even the appearance of evil and 1 John 1:6 says that we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God and continue to walk in darkness.

Raising up disciples of Christ is not easy. It will cost you a lot of time and it will stretch both your faith and your patience to its limits. The good news is we don’t have to do it alone. 

Prayer 101

This post is going to be a bit different, since prayer is a conversation; I am pushing to write this as though we are sitting down and talking together.

If I’m being perfectly honest prayer is something that I have been struggling to get a grasp on for a while. When I first got saved it was because God answered my prayer. I knew it was God because there was no other explanation for what happened. Since that time I have learned to lean more and more on talking to God as an outlet for my frustration and as a way to get to know him better. However, I have heard a lot of different teachings on prayer that I still don’t understand and I’m not even sure if they are biblical. For example in Matthew 18:18-20 Jesus is talking about binding and loosing things in heaven and on earth. When I look at the context of the passage I can presume he is talking to the disciples, which makes me question if I actually have the authority to do what the disciples did since he wasn’t talking to me but to them. Sometimes our prayers are more cultural colloquialisms than real genuine prayers. Such as speaking things into existence and commanding angels. Yes life and death is in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) but if you are “speaking things into existence” that go against the will of God they are NOT going to happen. There also isn’t any scriptural reference for humans commanding angels, God commands angels to help us if we ask him, and we do not have any authority over angels.  So I take these truths into consideration when I pray because the way I look at it, God is the only one who can do those things. And I get so sad when I see posts on Facebook where people are binding spirits, speaking prosperity over their lives, and rebuking Satan because I’m not sure if they actually have the power to do that and are therefore wasting their time.

What I do know for a fact is that God definitely has the power to do all of these things and more and for me right now I go the route of asking him to do them. For example I am more likely to pray something like: “Lord if it be your will take this headache away and bring healing to my body” than “I bind this spirit of infirmity”. The second prayer places me as the source of my healing and that is unbiblical. So as I continue to grow in Christ and get a full understanding of what I do and don’t have the power to do, I lean on the Holy Spirit and the Bible for wisdom on how to pray appropriately. I look at the psalms and I see the way David prayed. I read about how Moses and Ezekiel conversed with God and then I go back to the outline Jesus gave for prayer. After I put all of that together I can humbly come before God and have a casual, honest conversation.

One of the biggest things I have learned about prayer this year is that sprinkling the phrase in Jesus name at the end of a rant doesn’t make the prayer genuine or increase its chances of going past the ceiling. I know this because I did this, for YEARS, and I kept wondering why God wasn’t listening to me. Once I realized that prayer is more than just me ranting and raving to God about all of my issues, I began to see changes in my heart, my perspective, and my life. I hope that through some intense study and genuine prayer of your own you will begin to see major changes in your prayer life as well.

Getting married is a life changing event, not only for the bride and groom, but for their families. They way you interact with your parents will change drastically after you get married and if you don’t set up boundaries from day one; your relationships could be strained for a long time. The goal of this particular blog is to give you some general boundaries that you should set for your parents as you move forward in this new season of life.  

Always talk with your spouse before you agree to do anything for or with your parents.

 You two are a unit now; therefore your activities and obligations will affect your spouse, so before you say yes double check with your spouse to make sure you aren’t overextending yourself emotionally or financially. This isn’t necessarily asking permission to do things for or with your parents but seeing what they think about said activity.

Plan ahead for holidays.

Give your parents months of advanced notice about who you will be spending the holidays with. Personally speaking me and my husband rotate which family we will spend time with on a yearly basis, but you have to do what works best for you and your spouse. Regardless of what you do it is wise to plan ahead.

Unless it is an emergency don’t accept calls after 9 p.m.

This is one that I struggled with. Now depending on your schedule the time maybe be different, but in general once you and your husband are in bed relaxing, you shouldn’t answer the phone unless it’s an emergency. Why? Because you have to spend quality time with your spouse and if you consistently de-prioritize your spouse you will notice that your bedroom will start to get a bit chilly.

Keep your sexual activity to yourself

Speaking of the bedroom, talks about sex at this point should only be between you and your spouse. Whatever hang-ups or hiccups you might run into sexually do not need to be disclosed to your parents or any other family members. The time for your parents to teach you about the birds and the bees is over so if you have questions you have three options: God, your spouse, or your doctor (if you are having trouble conceiving).

Don’t shut them out

Your parents are still your parents and they love you dearly. One of the ways that you honor them is by spending time with them. Shutting them out and getting lost in your new life while ignoring them is very disrespectful. You don’t have to talk every hour of every day, but checking in on a weekly or monthly basis won’t hurt.

Exodus 20:12 NIV

Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  

Don't miss this Friday's Live #Fridayflo on Biblical Marriage. Tune in on Facebook at 7 p.m. EDT!

The Bible is an amazing book. It is extremely complex and extremely long. It is comprised of 66 books, by 40 authors but it is all God inspired. As Christians it is one of the best tools we have to navigate this life in a way that honors God. Whether you are a new Christian or you have been following God for the last 40 years there are a few practical basics that we all need to adhere to in order to effectively study the Bible.

1. Get a Bible you can understand.

According to Google, as of September 2016 the bible has been translated into 636 different languages. Therefore it stands to reason that there is a Bible out there that you can read and understand. So check online or at your local Christian bookstore for a bible that makes sense when you read it. All versions of the bible are NOT created equally, especially those that have been translated to English. For some people a King James Version is going to give them a headache and for others they can’t get enough of it. Click the link for more information on the various versions of the bible.

2. Get a journal.

You will be taking a LOT of notes on the scriptures you read, so find a journal that fits your fancy, and start writing down what God teaches you as you read his word. Write down your prayers and when they get answered. Write out the revelations you have as you read. Write out your doubts, fears, and frustrations as you go through life. Write down EVERYTHING.

3. Pick a place to study.

Don’t try to get to fancy with this, it doesn’t have to be heavily decorated, but you should find a place where you can be alone with God. For some people it’s a locked bathroom away from the kids. For me, it’s my kitchen table after my husband goes to work. Just pick a place and meet there consistently with God.

4. Start Small

Don’t try to go over 10-15 minutes and don’t try to read multiple chapters at a time. I say this because when you take the bible in small chunks you won’t feel pressed to try to understand the entire book in one sitting. Take your time and chew on a few scriptures, then sit quietly and listen to what God has to say about how you should apply those scriptures to your life.

5. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Pray before you read your bible, while you are reading your bible, and after you finish. Talk to God as you take notes and listen to what he is saying to you while you are reading. Prayer is communication; it is not a speech, just a simple conversation, so take your time, talk and listen.

6. Use your tools wisely

There are two things other than the Holy Spirit that make my bible study effective; my concordance and biblical commentaries. My concordance helps me make the word of God personal to whatever I am going through. Most bibles have the concordance in the back, so when I am having a bout with anger I can flip back to the index and find ALL of the scriptures in my bible about anger. Once I do that I study those scriptures and I break them down. Rebuilding arguments and searching for God’s say on the matter. In my research I discover how he treated angry people and how he handled his anger. By the time I am finished I have a whole host of notes to review about God’s perspective on anger and how it should be handled. Doing this makes it easier to apply it to my life.

Now biblical commentaries come in many forms. Blog posts, sermons, Facebook posts, and even the notes underneath a passage you are studying (especially if you have an Amplified bible). All of these tools help me to see the scriptures from different perspectives. I can understand how God explained the passage to the commentators and if they are really good they will give me the tools on how to apply it to my daily life. Two websites that have been especially helpful are gotquestions.org and desiringgod.org

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The biggest part of studying the bible is to remember that it is just that, a STUDY. This is not something that you will understand in one day. But by being consistent, using your tools wisely, praying, starting small, picking a place to meet God, getting a journal, and getting a bible you can understand you will be well on your way. Before you know it will consume you to the point that you don’t want to put it down.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Click the link to Tune in at 7 p.m. EDT for my #Fridayflo on giving God lip service. 

  

Before I got married I actually didn’t think this could happen. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that the man I had prayed for would ever fail me. I had built up this unrealistic image in my head of what my husband would be like and how he would treat me. Now that I am in the thick of marriage I know the truth. Failure at some point in time during the duration of our marriage is inevitable. Not because he wants to fail me but simply because he is human. As I accepted this truth I found that giving John (my husband) grace was necessary for our survival as a couple.

In essence there are two ways that your husband can fail you.

He can fail to meet your expectations of what a husband should be.

This failure can be manifested in a variety of forms: mismanagement of finances, pornographic addictions, lack of self control, wild tempers etc. All of these things don’t fit into the bubble that we put our husbands in before we marry them.  And when they don’t pay the bills on time or bring home as much as we want them to, we get disappointed. When they fly off the handle and say vicious things just to win an argument we are baffled that they would stoop so low. And when they come home and tell us they had an affair with their secretary at work we are blinded by rage. As bad as these failures are, there is and even greater way that you husband can fail you. 

He can fail to meet God’s standard of what a husband should be.

As the head of the house, the husband has a great amount of responsibility that God gives him and when he fails in this area, the spiritual repercussions can echo for generations to come. When he doesn’t cover you and the family in prayer, when he doesn’t lead by example and push the family to fellowship at church on a weekly basis. When he worships other “gods” like his material possessions and doesn’t make the true God a priority, it is easy for the rest of the family to get relaxed about all things spiritual.

No matter what happens, as a wife we have to readily forgive our husbands when they fail us. We have to extend the same grace and mercy that Christ gives us every time we fail God. It is easy to get blinded by our husbands’ shortcomings, but if we live in unforgiveness we will become bitter, and all of those toxic emotions will choke the life out of your relationship. So accept his humanity and give him grace when he fails, the love that you continue to show him will cover his mistakes. (1 Peter 4:8 NIV) As his wife it is your job description to encourage him and forgive him on a regular basis. Cover him in prayer, be open about your feelings, and watch God transform the way you view his failures and the way you handle them.

Stay tuned for this week’s Friday FLO "Dealing with Difficult People" at 7 p.m. EDT on my page.

Peace and Blessings 

A few weeks ago I was watching a Facebook live video by Rekesha Pittman. I have long since forgotten what the original purpose of the video was but one of her statements hit me right between the eyes. “I pray that God gives me thick skin and a soft heart.” In her video she was addressing people in leadership, however I think this concept is something that we all need to grasp if we are going to effectively reach the lost.

So for all of us who have a smaller sphere of influence; here are some reasons why you should pray for thick skin and a soft heart.

You gain a backbone.

Having thick skin will help you not to bend to the will of others based on their emotional responses to your decisions. You aim to please and audience of one and their opinions about the way you live your life don’t have any negative psychological effects on your life.

Your compassion level skyrockets.

Not only do you brush off hateful commentaries but you begin to care about the source of them and the motives of the commentator. And as you begin to discover those motives, your heart softens towards them and you develop a desperate urge to pray for them on a regular basis, because the Holy Spirit allows you to see the person behind the hate. He shows you their fears and their insecurities and because you have been held back by those demons before you begin going to war for them because God shows you their potential for greatness in His kingdom. Everyone has a part to play in the body of Christ and you don’t allow a bristly personality to keep you from helping them grow and play their part.

Your witnessing efforts are more effective.

When you truly start to accept that you only have one audience and that everyone is here for a purpose, the fear you used to have when witnessing will disappear. There are over 300 times in the bible where God tells us not to be afraid. As you develop a thicker skin the fears of what people will think of you and how they will respond to you go out the window. As you develop a softer heart you will have a desire to share the freedom that you have in Christ with everyone you know. You can’t hide in the closet anymore. God is too good and people have too much potential for you to hide the joy that God has given you.

To be honest this is not an easy prayer to pray. And the process of it getting answered is difficult. You will be praying for people who have hurt you, people who get under your skin, and your flesh will fight against you tooth and nail the entire way. But the joy contentment, confidence, and peace that come with a thick skin and a soft heart out weigh the pain of the process.

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PSA: I am working on a book and my goal is to finish it by the end of the summer. Follow me on Facebook for more details!

During the first 18 years of my life I didn’t take God seriously. I grew up in church and based on my understanding of what I was taught, I could never be good enough. This coupled with my natural inclination towards a fatalist mindset left me in many questionable circumstances for a “goody-two shoes”. My reasoning was that since I was never going to meet God standards I shouldn’t really bother. During my freshman year of college I put God on the back burner. I wanted to reinvent myself without His influence, my pastors, or my parents. But something shifted my sophomore year. My roommate started inviting me to bible study on Sunday nights. Since it was really informal and I was free to ask questions I kept going. (The fact that they fed us was a big help too.) I started falling in love with God again. I wanted to give Him every part of my life, simply because I loved Him. But I started to swing into a dangerous mindset of legality. I was trying to earn His love through works. And this left me in a worse mess than I had been before. I started to read my bible, pray, and serve out of duty instead of love. And the prison I found myself in was unbearable. I had to be perfect. There was no room for error in the mindset I had.  Thankfully with the help of some very patient mentors and hours of study on my own I don’t live in that prison anymore. So here are some truths and verses that helped me break out.

Romans 8

Although the entire book of Romans is bomb, chapter eight spoke to me during this time because I felt condemned with no way out on a regular basis. Meditating on this scripture, memorizing it, and embracing the freedom I have in Christ took some time, but I fall more in love with this passage every day, especially on my bad days.

People pleasing is for the birds

If I could shout this from every roof top in the world I would. This simple reality has saved me so much heart ache in the last few years. It took me a long time to realize that it is impossible to please everybody. Scripture says “If it be possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18 NIV) Meaning there is a chance that you WON’T live at peace with everyone, and that is ok. Remember we perform for an audience of one.

Sanctification is a process and you need people to help make it happen

When it comes to living a life pleasing to God it will not happen overnight, and it definitely won’t happen when you are isolated. Having friends and family members that hold you accountable helps you stay close to God. However at the end of the day it is the Holy Spirit that changes your heart and convicts you of your sinful habits. And although it didn’t feel good at the time I am so thankful for conviction.

So if you find yourself in the prison of perfection, I encourage you to break out. The law has been fulfilled, we live under grace and there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God

There a plethora of reasons why your husband can be grouchy.

A bad day at work.

Disrespectful kids.

The pressure to provide.

The list is endless. Our husbands go through a LOT. Leading a family is a huge responsibility to carry and honestly you can't really blame them if they get a little grouchy at times. The question is how do you help them come out of that grouchy state?

1. FEED HIM

It is incredible how much a good meal can change someone's mood. You can cook one of his favorite meals or take him out to dinner. Either way making sure he has a good meal in his stomach will do both of you a world of good. Especially if he doesn't have to pay.

2. Give him space

Whether it's playing a video game or taking a nap, give him some alone time. Most guys wrestle with their emotions inwardly and after they get the time to do that their mood changes. Alone time  allows them to distress and create a plan of action to handle whatever is bothering them.

3. Pray with him

Depending on his level of grouchiness he might not want to pray with you. In that case you should pray for him on your own. Either way you have to take the issue that is causing him to feel out of sorts to the Father. Remember a marriage consists of three parties: you, your husband, and God. anytime the two of you are having a rough day take it to prayer and God will help you sort it out. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

***BONUS***

If you haven't had sex in a while and there are no medical reasons that are keeping you from engaging in sex, it might be time to pull out the lingerie. Both of you need that time of intimacy. If you are letting you schedules keep you from handling your business in the bedroom, then you need to rearrange your priorities. We all know that men are visual creatures especially when it comes to how they express themselves sexually. Abstinence in marriage opens the door for temptation. (I Corinthians 7:5) Keep it sexy.

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No matter what you do, make sure you don't try to change your husband. You are not his Holy Spirit. Some people are more sullen and laid back than others and that is O.K. At the end of the day you are his help mate. So help him as best you can and leave the rest up to God.

How to Communicate with your Spouse

One of the first things that any wise married person will tell you is that communication is the backbone of a marriage.

It takes a lot of maturity to get to this level. 

The same way your spine influences every other part of your body, your communication skills affect every other area of your marriage. Most arguments start because of miscommunication. It feels like they are speaking another language and you just can’t get through to them. Thankfully the book of Proverbs gives us some tips on how to communicate the right way.

Be tactful.

If you are already in a heated argument make sure that you “package your words correctly. Stay respectful and stay calm. That will help keep both of you from getting hurt and help resolve the situation faster.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Be discerning.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you figure out when you need to speak up and when you need to be quiet. 50% of communication is listening to the other person. It isn’t always all about you and your feelings.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even tempered.” Proverbs 17:27

Think before you open your mouth.

You cannot let your feelings take lead in your conversation. Feelings are fickle and you will end up looking foolish. Slow down and think about what you are going to say and how you are going to explain your point of view BEFORE you start talking.

“Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Proverbs 29:20

Follow their instructions.

In marriage, God puts two imperfect people together to create a perfect union with Him at the center. As husband and wife you balance each other out. Depending on the situation you should follow your spouse’s instructions. For example, I am directionally challenged, John is not. So whenever we are on the road and I am driving I follow his instructions. I let him act as my GPS, because I know for a fact that getting around Charleston (or anywhere for that matter) is not my strong suit. On the other hand, John has more challenges in the kitchen than I do. So when we are cooking together he follows my lead. Because we listen to each other we never get lost and we have good food in the house.

“He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.” Proverbs 13:13

It takes a lot of maturity to actively practice effective communication. It is not easy to hold onto your tongue when you want to tell you husband off. It takes a lot of strength to not be petty. Being mean is easy, it is part of our sin nature. But through the Holy Spirit we have the ability to be kind and loving with our words. We can only speak the truth in love when we let Him lead us. And when we start doing that, we begin building the foundation for a strong and healthy marriage.  

Check out my youtube channel tonight for a new video: "How to adjust to Married Life"