Looking Forward

The future will always be a daunting place. No matter how much you plan and prepare the unknown is always waiting around the corner. If I’m being honest this scares me. I crave stability and structure, which is why my goals for 2018 were penned in October. The problem is I did the same thing in 2016 hoping that this year would be different, but looking back most of my plans fell through. I failed in many areas. I disappointed myself, my family, my friends, and God numerous times, intentionally on many occasions. 

With all of the twists and turns that happened this year, 2017 was still good. I’ve grown a lot as a person and as much as my mind wants to look back and wallow in self pity over my failures, God calls me to do something different, look forward. God reminds me to keep planning even though I don’t know if I’ll meet all my goals. To love others even though I don’t know if they will hurt me. God spurs me on when I feel like giving up. He never asks me to ignore my past; he just asks that I focus on the future instead. Focus was the word he told me more than once in my quiet time last week. Honestly I can’t blame him, he’s probably been saying that for years but I’ve been too distracted to pay attention. But when I surrendered my life to this ministry, his voice became clearer and I can’t focus on what’s behind me. Yes the business failed, yes I have disrespected my husband, and yes I have had days where I surrendered to darkness instead of God. But the future is still there, with all of its twists and turns and if I jump off the cliff backwards it’s a LOT scarier than if I dive face forward. I don’t know what’s coming in 2018, but I have planned, and I have prayed, and I know who holds my tomorrows, however many there may be left.  So instead of being afraid of my plans falling through or worrying about disappointing those closest to me I am choosing to look forward, holding my father’s hand, and diving into 2018 together.

What are you looking forward to in 2018? Comment below!

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The Myth Behind the Independent Woman

Western society is enamored with the idea of self reliance. Dependency is looked at as a weakness. A lot of women in western society have bought into the hype that being independent is the ultimate goal of life. I used to be one of those women. I would say things like:

“I have to take care of myself because nobody else will.”

“At the end of the day I’m the only one I can depend on.”

One of my past boyfriends actually made “Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo his ringtone for me (side note: I thank God I didn’t marry him.)

I believed the lie that with just enough hard work, just enough money, and just enough education, I could be independent from everyone. Independence is a lie for two reasons: first, the ultimate goal of life is to glorify God in all that we do (Col. 3:17) and second, there is no such thing as an independent person.

Financially responsible, yes.

Emotionally stable, sure.

Spiritually grounded, absolutely.

But we as humans do NOT have the ability to be independent. Everyone has to lean on someone or something at some point throughout their lifetime to function successfully.

The single career woman depends on her company to stay in business so she can pay her bills.

The married woman with kids depends on her husband to help raise them.

Even the woman with the financial clout of Oprah depends on her team of advisors to keep everything in order so she can continue to live comfortably.

Nobody is independent, but we fight tooth and nail to reach a state that God alone possesses. As women of God we must reevaluate our perspective of dependency. Weakness is not a liability when acknowledge God as your only source of strength. Webster defines dependence as the quality or state of being influenced, determined by, or subject to another. Think of the addict who has a dependence on painkillers. They can’t function without them. We have to get to a place spiritually where we can’t function without God. We need to be “addicted” to his presence. Our eyes have to look above the job, the husbands, and the money to realize that God is the source of it all. Even when we try to place material possessions or relationships as our source of fulfillment he is still responsible for every breath in our lungs and every beat of our hearts. We are all dependent on God whether we acknowledge him or not.

Today I implore you to put aside your pride and realize that all our efforts to be independent are futile because for all of humanity, there is no such thing. The good news is when you put your hope in God and depend on him alone, nothing is impossible. 

Why Does God Hate Divorce?

Picture it, September 2011. I am home on fall break from school and my mom takes me out to pick up groceries for the house. As we are driving to the store I catch her up on school and she gives me updates about the church. The topic turns to the family and when she starts talking about my dad her entire demeanor changes for the worse. I listened to her vent about her frustrations that had been pent up over ten years of being in North Carolina and it not going as she had planned. We pull into the store parking lot; she cuts off the car and stares out at the rain. We sit together in silence for a moment and then she tells me that she and my father are going to get a divorce. I always knew my parents hadn’t had a particularly happy marriage, but when she told me they were getting a divorce a mixture of anger, sadness, and frustration churned in my chest. From that moment on I started looking up scriptures to help her come back to her senses. I found three instances in the bible and all of them basically say the same thing: God hates divorce. 

My question was, why?

If two people are unhappy or if there is infidelity, or even abuse God should be ok with divorce as long as you have a good reason….

Or so I thought.

Whether your reasons are justified or not God still hates divorce. Simply because: marriage is meant to last for life. When a couple gets married that covenant is supposed to be upheld for as long as they live, through kids, sickness, death and all the other hardships of life that come our way. Marriage itself has a twofold purpose, first, to act as a physical example to the world of God’s unconditional love and second, to produce godly offspring. When you get divorced you can no longer fulfill the first purpose and fulfilling the second purpose becomes extremely difficult. Co-parenting without living in the confines of marriage is a near impossibility. Thankfully we serve a God who specializes in the impossible.

God knows what divorce does to the couple involved, the children, and society at large as a result; however there are some exceptional times where you would be justified in getting a divorce.

Abuse

In Malachi 2:16 directly after God expresses his disdain for divorce he says “I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as his garment.” Some translations say: “I hate a man’s covering his wife with violence as well as his garment.” (AMPC) God has not and never will be on the side of an abusive spouse. If you find yourself in that situation you need to leave.

Infidelity

Matthew 19:9 and Mathew 5:32 make most people believe that you can point to unfaithfulness as a loophole and grounds for an automatic divorce. Since adultery is a form of sexual immorality technically speaking you would be justified in getting a divorce from a consistently unfaithful spouse. However, when you look at the scriptures in their cultural context, you discover a deeper meaning. In Jewish tradition marriage takes place in two stages; the betrothal (kiddushin, where the bride accepts the man’s proposal, her family accepts the bride price and they pay the dowry) and fully fledged marriage (nisuin, where the bride a broom move in together and they partake of the wedding feast). There was about a year between these two stages; however once you were in the betrothal stage you were seen as husband and wife in the sight of God and the law.  Matthew is speaking to individuals stuck in the space between kiddushin and nisuin, where a lot of divorces took place because of that long separation and lack of intimacy.

Divorce was never a part of God’s will for his people it is a result of our sin nature. If you are in the position where you are considering divorce and you are justified in getting one according to scripture. I implore you to continue to seek God and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. If you are seeking a divorce and scripture is not in agreement with your reasons for getting one I implore you to do the same thing. Marriage is meant to last for life. Divorce is not a decision to be made lightly whether it is justified or not God still hates it. And he still loves you divorced or not.

Peace and Blessings

3 Habits I’m leaving in 2017

December is my favorite month for two reasons.

1) Christmas

2) New Year’s Resolutions

I have been thinking about 2018 since October. This year has flown by and thankfully I am not the same woman I was at the beginning of this year. In the spirit of progress here are 3 habits I’m leaving in 2017.

1. Insecurity about my looks

From the time I was twelve I have hated the way I look. Thankfully over the past thirteen years I have gotten more comfortable in my skin. However there are still small things that I do to cover up and hide. Although I don’t wear much of it, make up has been something I’ve been hiding behind and I am leaving that habit in 2017. Unless it’s a formal event or performance I will be bare faced and free!

2. Weight Gain

Since my thyroid surgery in 2013 I have been steadily gaining weight. I got comfortable with my size and fell into a defeatist mindset about losing weight and being healthy. At the beginning of this year I weighed over 200 lbs., thankfully through consistent exercise and portion control I have dropped 20 lbs and a pants size! Before 2017 I was comfortable with my unhealthy eating habits and my lazy exercise habits. This year has sparked a change and I am going to continue fighting to break through every plateau I reach as I push to live a healthy life.

3. Spiritual Laziness

I am beyond done taking everyone’s word for it when it comes to God. I have been stuck in a cycle of laziness with my faith for years. And I am at the point that I refuse to spend the rest of my life as an average Christian with basic bible knowledge and a half committed heart. The biggest way I hope to change this is increase the frequency of my quiet time and the amount of scripture I memorize. I want to know God for myself from his word as 2 Timothy 2:15 pushes us all to do. As much as I love my pastor and the different bible study tools I have access to, I don’t want them to be the anchor of my faith I want his Word to be my anchor.

What habits are you leaving in 2017? Tell me about it in the comments!

Peace and Blessings