How to fall back in love with God

When we question God's character our faith that he cares about us begins to waver. We are drawn away from our first love by the things we think care about us more. The bible becomes an anthology instead of a love letter. God becomes a distant entity whose existence is questionable. Don't get me wrong, God hasn't fallen out of love with us, we are the problem. We are the ones who get bored with God. Our quiet times seem dull, worship services become routine, and our prayers begin to sound robotic. When we begin to display contempt for the things of God it shows in our relationships.  Our tempers are shorter, our patience is thin, and our hearts grow cold toward others. The good news is that in respect to our relationship with God the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt" is not absolute. In my opinion the phrase should read "familiarity CAN breed contempt". The original phrase means that the depth of your closeness with others leads to a loss of respect for them. The modified phrase gives you an option. Your closeness can lead to contempt, but it can also lead to admiration and respect. When we seek to go deeper with God and we find his actions in a new passage puzzling, we have a choice. We can close our bibles and emotionally withdraw from God or we can allow the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to the truth of the passage. 

This happened to me when I read the story of Jephthah's daughter in Judges 11. At first glance it looks like God sanctioned a human sacrifice, and that confused me because it looked like God contradicted himself. For a few days... I stopped reading my bible. I mulled over so many different questions:  

Why didn't God allow a goat to meet Jephthah?

Did Jephthah really burn his only daughter alive? 

Why didn't God stop him like he stopped Abraham? 

Did God not consider her important enough to save?

Needless to say, by the end of the week I was distraught as I went deeper into the rabbit hole. It wasn't until I talked with my husband, conducted my own research, and prayed that I understood what truly took place. Jephthah's daughter wasn't sacrificed by fire, she was dedicated to the Lord and made to serve in the temple instead of living a normal life. 

So what do we do when God doesn't make sense?

How do we fall back in love?

1. Ask Questions.

Asking God about passages that confuse you is not sinful. He wants you to talk with Him. Especially when you are confused. By going to God first He will reassure you of his unchanging character, refresh your soul, and calm your spirit. He might lead you to someone in your church who you could talk to. We learn in community.

2. Do research and discover the context.

The internet is an amazing tool for discovering answers to biblical mysteries. One of my personal favorites is gotquestions.org. There are so many commentaries and research papers available to provide context and clarity. Your local library is another great resource.

3. Keep Reading. 

Don't let one puzzling story in the bible keep you from reading the rest of it. Go back, reinforce the foundational truths, and memorize those scriptures. God will reveal the answers to your questions as you continue to seek Him. Don't run away. 

Tell me about how you fell in love with God in the comments! 

Joint Resolutions

During the build up to this New Year a lot of people made resolutions and are hoping that they will be able to achieve their goals. With 2018 just beginning I wanted to write something to my fellow married couples. In 2016 I made a LOT of resolutions, but because I never told my husband about them there were a LOT of unnecessary arguments that came up in 2017. By not communicating our goals we set ourselves up for failure. So last week we sat down and made sure that our goals for 2018 were clear and out in the open, we checked the temperature of our
relationship in general and made some joint resolutions for 2018.

Why is this important?

Great relationships don’t happen by chance, you have to be intentional. By checking on the different areas of your marriage (spiritual, physical, emotional, etc.) you avoid the trap of living in a complacent marriage.

What are the benefits of doing this?

Having clear goals for the year will help you consistently make choices that help you reach those goals instead of coasting through life hoping things will work out. The amount of arguments in the house birthed out of unmet expectations will drastically decrease because the expectations for the year have already been laid out.  Joint resolutions also encourage you to build a deeper camaraderie with your spouse because these goals are things that you have to lean on each other (and God) in order to accomplish.

What is a joint resolution you and your spouse have? Let me know in the comments!

Be sure to follow me on Facebook to catch up with me throughout the week! (Facebook.com/oriannaofreverentia)

 Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx0JXwWISJS1hwOF4Uti1Uw

Looking Forward

The future will always be a daunting place. No matter how much you plan and prepare the unknown is always waiting around the corner. If I’m being honest this scares me. I crave stability and structure, which is why my goals for 2018 were penned in October. The problem is I did the same thing in 2016 hoping that this year would be different, but looking back most of my plans fell through. I failed in many areas. I disappointed myself, my family, my friends, and God numerous times, intentionally on many occasions. 

With all of the twists and turns that happened this year, 2017 was still good. I’ve grown a lot as a person and as much as my mind wants to look back and wallow in self pity over my failures, God calls me to do something different, look forward. God reminds me to keep planning even though I don’t know if I’ll meet all my goals. To love others even though I don’t know if they will hurt me. God spurs me on when I feel like giving up. He never asks me to ignore my past; he just asks that I focus on the future instead. Focus was the word he told me more than once in my quiet time last week. Honestly I can’t blame him, he’s probably been saying that for years but I’ve been too distracted to pay attention. But when I surrendered my life to this ministry, his voice became clearer and I can’t focus on what’s behind me. Yes the business failed, yes I have disrespected my husband, and yes I have had days where I surrendered to darkness instead of God. But the future is still there, with all of its twists and turns and if I jump off the cliff backwards it’s a LOT scarier than if I dive face forward. I don’t know what’s coming in 2018, but I have planned, and I have prayed, and I know who holds my tomorrows, however many there may be left.  So instead of being afraid of my plans falling through or worrying about disappointing those closest to me I am choosing to look forward, holding my father’s hand, and diving into 2018 together.

What are you looking forward to in 2018? Comment below!

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The Myth Behind the Independent Woman

Western society is enamored with the idea of self reliance. Dependency is looked at as a weakness. A lot of women in western society have bought into the hype that being independent is the ultimate goal of life. I used to be one of those women. I would say things like:

“I have to take care of myself because nobody else will.”

“At the end of the day I’m the only one I can depend on.”

One of my past boyfriends actually made “Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo his ringtone for me (side note: I thank God I didn’t marry him.)

I believed the lie that with just enough hard work, just enough money, and just enough education, I could be independent from everyone. Independence is a lie for two reasons: first, the ultimate goal of life is to glorify God in all that we do (Col. 3:17) and second, there is no such thing as an independent person.

Financially responsible, yes.

Emotionally stable, sure.

Spiritually grounded, absolutely.

But we as humans do NOT have the ability to be independent. Everyone has to lean on someone or something at some point throughout their lifetime to function successfully.

The single career woman depends on her company to stay in business so she can pay her bills.

The married woman with kids depends on her husband to help raise them.

Even the woman with the financial clout of Oprah depends on her team of advisors to keep everything in order so she can continue to live comfortably.

Nobody is independent, but we fight tooth and nail to reach a state that God alone possesses. As women of God we must reevaluate our perspective of dependency. Weakness is not a liability when acknowledge God as your only source of strength. Webster defines dependence as the quality or state of being influenced, determined by, or subject to another. Think of the addict who has a dependence on painkillers. They can’t function without them. We have to get to a place spiritually where we can’t function without God. We need to be “addicted” to his presence. Our eyes have to look above the job, the husbands, and the money to realize that God is the source of it all. Even when we try to place material possessions or relationships as our source of fulfillment he is still responsible for every breath in our lungs and every beat of our hearts. We are all dependent on God whether we acknowledge him or not.

Today I implore you to put aside your pride and realize that all our efforts to be independent are futile because for all of humanity, there is no such thing. The good news is when you put your hope in God and depend on him alone, nothing is impossible. 

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays can be awesome but if you don’t plan correctly they can send your cortisol levels through the roof. This is the time of year where you are around two kinds of people; those who know you really REALLY well and have the ability to stay on your LAST nerve or those who are trying too hard to get to know you and have an opinion about EVERYTHING  you have ever done in the history of existence. Between fellowshipping with family, keeping the house in order, and serving at church, the holidays can easily become a time you dread instead of what they are meant to be, a HOLIDAY. So here are a few tips to help you survive: 

Don’t add projects to your schedule last minute.

Last minute plans always lead to unnecessary stress. There is nothing wrong with saying no to people. Your mental health is more important. It doesn’t matter who it is: church family, lifelong friends or you grandmother. If it’s the week of Christmas and they are asking you to make a huge change that you have to go out of your way to do, you should probably say no. As of now we have 42 days left until Christmas. Get your travel plans and itineraries together now so you can actually enjoy time with your family.

Take care of home first.

Speaking of family, the people in your house are your first priority. For example, if it’s not in the budget to go to the family reunion this year, that’s ok. Save up and make arrangements for next year. It is unwise to put your household in dire straits to impress people. A lot of people go into a great deal of debt at this time of year trying to make it out to all the family events with the nicest gifts. That is unnecessary and honestly it is financially irresponsible. The most effective way to take care of your home is to actually BE at home, so if you can’t afford to go, DON’T. Show love to the people in your house by keeping them at the top tier of your priority list.  

Plan time for yourself now, (there is value in slipping away).

One thing that I have noticed about the holidays is that I have a habit of neglecting my quiet time when I’m around my family. The funny thing is I need the Holy Spirit to guide me all the more when I’m with my family because they know how to push all my buttons. No matter how far you travel make sure you take your bible with you. There is not a single family event that you will go to where you won’t need the Holy Spirit to help you hold your tongue, give you discernment, and keep you at peace in the midst of everyone else’s chaos. So find moments where you can slip away, pray, and breathe. Make room for your quiet time when you know the family will be sleeping or out getting groceries. The time is there you just have to steward it correctly.

As we step into the thick of the Holiday season I pray that you will protect your peace and keep your priorities in order. 

Peace & Blessings

Why are we here?

The human race has been asking this question since the dawn of time. Christian or not the purpose of our existence is to glorify God. Romans 11:36 sums it up well.

For from him and through him and to him are all things.

 To him be the glory forever. Amen.

There is nothing in our universe or present existence that is not designed to testify of God’s glory.

However when we make this ideology personal, our sin nature complicates everything. At our core we do not desire God (Romans 3:11), however through supernatural salvation and sanctification we are able to stand before God and be accepted by him. All of us have a purpose in this life, specific people we are supposed to touch, and a unique path to follow.  Unfortunately most of us spend our lives fumbling in the dark just trying to survive in this crazy, cut throat world. We should aspire to do more than survive, exist comfortably for a few decades, and die. The only way we can combat that lifestyle is to learn God’s specific purpose for us and then walk boldly in that calling. The most beautiful thing about this is that God is not trying to hide your calling from you. Your calling is as unique as your finger print, and God desires for you to know what he wants you to do with your life. But we will never find it if we go to sources outside of God for the answer.  

Life coaches, professors, and even your parents can’t truly give you an in-depth play by play of how your life should go. God made you and he knows you in ways that you can’t even begin to know yourself. Therefore its stands to reason that the first and only place you should begin your search is through spending time with him in his word. This process helps you to discover your identity in Christ and it uproots ungodly perspectives and expectations on how you should live. After you begin your journey it is always a good idea to get an accountability partner or a group of people to help you discover your purpose. God himself lives in community; you do not have to figure this all out on your own.

On that note I would like to become a part of your community. I am hosting an event called “Seven Days of Purpose” with the goal to jump start you into discovering your unique God given calling. I will be using the bible and the book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Everything will be online so you can join from ANYWHERE. Follow the link, it starts Sunday 10/29/2017.

Being a Woman

It’s deeper than your DNA (although that is a pre-requisite). The bible gives us countless examples of what it means. At its core being a woman means that you are the tech support of society. We were designed to help. Not just within the confines of marriage but in a vast array of other relationships. It is our primary function and but it isn’t our instinctive response. Because of sin, our nature has been twisted to help self first before anyone else. God calls us away from that mindset and into a whole new perspective on what it means to be a woman and how we view ourselves in the grand scheme of it all. One of the most profound sermons I have heard to date was John Pipers: “Sacred Schizophrenia”. In this talk, Piper explains how important it is to actively take up your cross and choose a path of opposition to the world’s way of thinking and behaving. Because we as women have been marginalized, sexualized and persecuted for millennia we have erected ideologies that seem progressive and helpful on the surface but the core of the ideology is unbiblical, because it comes from our own sinful desire to help ourselves first. 

For example feminism seeks to advance women’s equality in all aspects of society. However, when you look at feminism through a biblical lens you realize that the end goal of it all is to ignore the differences between men and women and in turn erase gender all together. The bible counters that by celebrating the differences between the sexes, and making the bold statement that both men and women play indispensable roles in God’s ultimate plan for the universe. 

Does this mean that we can’t seek justice for wrongs done to womankind? 

Does this mean that we should not advocate for equal pay or paid maternity/paternity leave? 

The answer is a resounding no! For Christian women, feminist ideologies and agendas must be viewed through a biblical lens. Once you have established that base you have to use discernment about what you advocate and seek justice for, and you can walk forward, confident that you are doing the right thing based on God’s standards. The same is true for traditional gender roles. Biblical gender roles capitalize on the strengths of both sexes to create a formidable foundation for a godly society. Traditional gender roles have twisted God’s standards and led to societal ills such as corrupt justice systems, unequal pay, and rape culture.

The time to get a true grasp on womanhood founded on God's principles is long overdue. Many of us walk around trying to make plans for a Utopian society in our own strength, not realizing that God already has a plan for us. His plan includes women and the sooner we understand and walk in our respective purposes as women the closer we are to seeing God’s plan unfold in our reality. 

A reality where we accept and affirm the fact that we are both equally indispensable and we operate in an interdependent existence( 1 Corinthians 11:11-12). A reality where we realize that we are both created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). A reality where we take our place a fellow heirs in Christ (1 Peter 3:7).

Sharing your Faith

Witnessing to others about Christ can be a daunting task, especially when you first start out. To me personally there are few things that scare me more than going up to a perfect stranger and asking the question “Do you know Jesus?” That fear kept me from sharing my faith for a very long time. However, when I got to college I realized that witnessing was more dynamic than just a conversation with a stranger. Over time even the fear of approaching a stranger with the gospel began to subside, because I found my witnessing niche. In Matthew 28:19-20, Jesus gives us the great commission and tells us that we are to go into all the world and make disciples. Later on in the New Testament Paul gives us details on exactly how that works.

1 Corinthians 12:28-29

²⁸ And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles?   

These verses speak on the spiritual gifts God bestows on believers to testify as witnesses to the glory and power of God. When it comes to sharing your faith, variety is one of the key components to remember. Once I realized that I wasn’t called to share my faith like my pastor or an evangelist from overseas, I began to focus on how I could affect the people in my sphere of influence for Christ. As I began to get comfortable operating in my gifts I found that there were some similarities that connected me to other members of universal church.

First of no matter how you share your faith you can’t treat people like projects. Being relational and truly stepping into their life because you care about them is more likely to bring them to Christ than if you hold them at arm’s length. Secondly you have to strive to be consistent. The person they see at church should be the same person they run into at the store and the same person they see on social media. Although we can never be perfect we should always strive to flee from hypocrisy in any area of our lives. The scripture says to avoid even the appearance of evil and 1 John 1:6 says that we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God and continue to walk in darkness.

Raising up disciples of Christ is not easy. It will cost you a lot of time and it will stretch both your faith and your patience to its limits. The good news is we don’t have to do it alone. 

Prayer 101

This post is going to be a bit different, since prayer is a conversation; I am pushing to write this as though we are sitting down and talking together.

If I’m being perfectly honest prayer is something that I have been struggling to get a grasp on for a while. When I first got saved it was because God answered my prayer. I knew it was God because there was no other explanation for what happened. Since that time I have learned to lean more and more on talking to God as an outlet for my frustration and as a way to get to know him better. However, I have heard a lot of different teachings on prayer that I still don’t understand and I’m not even sure if they are biblical. For example in Matthew 18:18-20 Jesus is talking about binding and loosing things in heaven and on earth. When I look at the context of the passage I can presume he is talking to the disciples, which makes me question if I actually have the authority to do what the disciples did since he wasn’t talking to me but to them. Sometimes our prayers are more cultural colloquialisms than real genuine prayers. Such as speaking things into existence and commanding angels. Yes life and death is in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) but if you are “speaking things into existence” that go against the will of God they are NOT going to happen. There also isn’t any scriptural reference for humans commanding angels, God commands angels to help us if we ask him, and we do not have any authority over angels.  So I take these truths into consideration when I pray because the way I look at it, God is the only one who can do those things. And I get so sad when I see posts on Facebook where people are binding spirits, speaking prosperity over their lives, and rebuking Satan because I’m not sure if they actually have the power to do that and are therefore wasting their time.

What I do know for a fact is that God definitely has the power to do all of these things and more and for me right now I go the route of asking him to do them. For example I am more likely to pray something like: “Lord if it be your will take this headache away and bring healing to my body” than “I bind this spirit of infirmity”. The second prayer places me as the source of my healing and that is unbiblical. So as I continue to grow in Christ and get a full understanding of what I do and don’t have the power to do, I lean on the Holy Spirit and the Bible for wisdom on how to pray appropriately. I look at the psalms and I see the way David prayed. I read about how Moses and Ezekiel conversed with God and then I go back to the outline Jesus gave for prayer. After I put all of that together I can humbly come before God and have a casual, honest conversation.

One of the biggest things I have learned about prayer this year is that sprinkling the phrase in Jesus name at the end of a rant doesn’t make the prayer genuine or increase its chances of going past the ceiling. I know this because I did this, for YEARS, and I kept wondering why God wasn’t listening to me. Once I realized that prayer is more than just me ranting and raving to God about all of my issues, I began to see changes in my heart, my perspective, and my life. I hope that through some intense study and genuine prayer of your own you will begin to see major changes in your prayer life as well.

The Bible is an amazing book. It is extremely complex and extremely long. It is comprised of 66 books, by 40 authors but it is all God inspired. As Christians it is one of the best tools we have to navigate this life in a way that honors God. Whether you are a new Christian or you have been following God for the last 40 years there are a few practical basics that we all need to adhere to in order to effectively study the Bible.

1. Get a Bible you can understand.

According to Google, as of September 2016 the bible has been translated into 636 different languages. Therefore it stands to reason that there is a Bible out there that you can read and understand. So check online or at your local Christian bookstore for a bible that makes sense when you read it. All versions of the bible are NOT created equally, especially those that have been translated to English. For some people a King James Version is going to give them a headache and for others they can’t get enough of it. Click the link for more information on the various versions of the bible.

2. Get a journal.

You will be taking a LOT of notes on the scriptures you read, so find a journal that fits your fancy, and start writing down what God teaches you as you read his word. Write down your prayers and when they get answered. Write out the revelations you have as you read. Write out your doubts, fears, and frustrations as you go through life. Write down EVERYTHING.

3. Pick a place to study.

Don’t try to get to fancy with this, it doesn’t have to be heavily decorated, but you should find a place where you can be alone with God. For some people it’s a locked bathroom away from the kids. For me, it’s my kitchen table after my husband goes to work. Just pick a place and meet there consistently with God.

4. Start Small

Don’t try to go over 10-15 minutes and don’t try to read multiple chapters at a time. I say this because when you take the bible in small chunks you won’t feel pressed to try to understand the entire book in one sitting. Take your time and chew on a few scriptures, then sit quietly and listen to what God has to say about how you should apply those scriptures to your life.

5. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Pray before you read your bible, while you are reading your bible, and after you finish. Talk to God as you take notes and listen to what he is saying to you while you are reading. Prayer is communication; it is not a speech, just a simple conversation, so take your time, talk and listen.

6. Use your tools wisely

There are two things other than the Holy Spirit that make my bible study effective; my concordance and biblical commentaries. My concordance helps me make the word of God personal to whatever I am going through. Most bibles have the concordance in the back, so when I am having a bout with anger I can flip back to the index and find ALL of the scriptures in my bible about anger. Once I do that I study those scriptures and I break them down. Rebuilding arguments and searching for God’s say on the matter. In my research I discover how he treated angry people and how he handled his anger. By the time I am finished I have a whole host of notes to review about God’s perspective on anger and how it should be handled. Doing this makes it easier to apply it to my life.

Now biblical commentaries come in many forms. Blog posts, sermons, Facebook posts, and even the notes underneath a passage you are studying (especially if you have an Amplified bible). All of these tools help me to see the scriptures from different perspectives. I can understand how God explained the passage to the commentators and if they are really good they will give me the tools on how to apply it to my daily life. Two websites that have been especially helpful are gotquestions.org and desiringgod.org

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The biggest part of studying the bible is to remember that it is just that, a STUDY. This is not something that you will understand in one day. But by being consistent, using your tools wisely, praying, starting small, picking a place to meet God, getting a journal, and getting a bible you can understand you will be well on your way. Before you know it will consume you to the point that you don’t want to put it down.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Click the link to Tune in at 7 p.m. EDT for my #Fridayflo on giving God lip service. 

  

A few weeks ago I was watching a Facebook live video by Rekesha Pittman. I have long since forgotten what the original purpose of the video was but one of her statements hit me right between the eyes. “I pray that God gives me thick skin and a soft heart.” In her video she was addressing people in leadership, however I think this concept is something that we all need to grasp if we are going to effectively reach the lost.

So for all of us who have a smaller sphere of influence; here are some reasons why you should pray for thick skin and a soft heart.

You gain a backbone.

Having thick skin will help you not to bend to the will of others based on their emotional responses to your decisions. You aim to please and audience of one and their opinions about the way you live your life don’t have any negative psychological effects on your life.

Your compassion level skyrockets.

Not only do you brush off hateful commentaries but you begin to care about the source of them and the motives of the commentator. And as you begin to discover those motives, your heart softens towards them and you develop a desperate urge to pray for them on a regular basis, because the Holy Spirit allows you to see the person behind the hate. He shows you their fears and their insecurities and because you have been held back by those demons before you begin going to war for them because God shows you their potential for greatness in His kingdom. Everyone has a part to play in the body of Christ and you don’t allow a bristly personality to keep you from helping them grow and play their part.

Your witnessing efforts are more effective.

When you truly start to accept that you only have one audience and that everyone is here for a purpose, the fear you used to have when witnessing will disappear. There are over 300 times in the bible where God tells us not to be afraid. As you develop a thicker skin the fears of what people will think of you and how they will respond to you go out the window. As you develop a softer heart you will have a desire to share the freedom that you have in Christ with everyone you know. You can’t hide in the closet anymore. God is too good and people have too much potential for you to hide the joy that God has given you.

To be honest this is not an easy prayer to pray. And the process of it getting answered is difficult. You will be praying for people who have hurt you, people who get under your skin, and your flesh will fight against you tooth and nail the entire way. But the joy contentment, confidence, and peace that come with a thick skin and a soft heart out weigh the pain of the process.

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PSA: I am working on a book and my goal is to finish it by the end of the summer. Follow me on Facebook for more details!

There a plethora of reasons why your husband can be grouchy.

A bad day at work.

Disrespectful kids.

The pressure to provide.

The list is endless. Our husbands go through a LOT. Leading a family is a huge responsibility to carry and honestly you can't really blame them if they get a little grouchy at times. The question is how do you help them come out of that grouchy state?

1. FEED HIM

It is incredible how much a good meal can change someone's mood. You can cook one of his favorite meals or take him out to dinner. Either way making sure he has a good meal in his stomach will do both of you a world of good. Especially if he doesn't have to pay.

2. Give him space

Whether it's playing a video game or taking a nap, give him some alone time. Most guys wrestle with their emotions inwardly and after they get the time to do that their mood changes. Alone time  allows them to distress and create a plan of action to handle whatever is bothering them.

3. Pray with him

Depending on his level of grouchiness he might not want to pray with you. In that case you should pray for him on your own. Either way you have to take the issue that is causing him to feel out of sorts to the Father. Remember a marriage consists of three parties: you, your husband, and God. anytime the two of you are having a rough day take it to prayer and God will help you sort it out. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

***BONUS***

If you haven't had sex in a while and there are no medical reasons that are keeping you from engaging in sex, it might be time to pull out the lingerie. Both of you need that time of intimacy. If you are letting you schedules keep you from handling your business in the bedroom, then you need to rearrange your priorities. We all know that men are visual creatures especially when it comes to how they express themselves sexually. Abstinence in marriage opens the door for temptation. (I Corinthians 7:5) Keep it sexy.

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No matter what you do, make sure you don't try to change your husband. You are not his Holy Spirit. Some people are more sullen and laid back than others and that is O.K. At the end of the day you are his help mate. So help him as best you can and leave the rest up to God.

Journey to the Center of the Universe

So I had scheduled to release a blog about how to communicate with your spouse today…

But I just watched a John Piper sermon that WRECKED me. It can be summed up in one phrase.

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!

When I say ‘it”, I mean anything and everything you can possibly think of. We spend the majority of our lives doing what we want, finding ourselves, and doing what makes us "happy" no matter whom it hurts. We are missing the point, as Christians, God and His desires and rights as creator precede our own. He is the center of the universe (Romans 11:36) and life is out of balance when we act outside of his design and his will.

Ok Ori, I get it! I already put God at the center, chill.

Do you? … You can find the answer in two places: your check book (Matthew 6:21) and the things that keep you up at night (Matthew 6:31-32).

When God checked me on this I thought He was at the center. I made the grave mistake of putting my expectations, my dreams, my career, and my ministry at the center of the universe. So the past few years have been frustrating ,because I wasn’t living up to my plan for "my life". Even when little things started to fall into place, I wasn’t satisfied. Why, because the human heart is a bottomless pit of desire. After I realized this I struggled for a while trying to figure out what my next steps should be. 

I got a revelation this weekend. 

In the process of doing devotions God told me to write out everything I wanted…and then He told me to give it to Him. To surrender my desires EVERYDAY so that He can be glorified.

But…the house?...Surrender.

The car?... Surrender.

The money?...Surrender.

Surrender it all. Shift your perspective on your desires and focus on the real center of the universe.

As a human with a sin nature this is hard to swallow. But as a growing woman of God, I have no choice but to submit.

Will You?

Big Announcement

I just launched a youtube channel! I will be posting vlogs, studies on marriage, and faith every week. Check it OUT!

Marriage... whats the point?

When you look at marriage from a worldly perspective there are only a few incentives; tax write offs, combined income, psychological support through life, etc. These are all well and good, and they promote a healthy society in general. But when you look at marriage through a spiritual lens you see that it has a bigger purpose. The point of being married is the same as everything else in the universe, to glorify God. It is a gift that we can only take advantage of in this existence (Matt. 22:30 NIV), and marriage fulfills its purpose in three exclusive ways.

Marriage acts as a safe place to explore, understand, and enjoy sex.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul explains that because of the great amount of immorality it was best for each person to have their own husband or wife, so that they would not participate in the illicit sexual practices that were taking place around them. Those words still apply to us today. Sex with in marriage is the equivalent of living at Disney world. Sex outside of marriage is the equivalent of riding a rickety homemade roller coaster. It’s just not safe. No matter how "fun" it may seem.

Marriage is designed to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church.

Throughout scripture, God refers to the church as his bride. In Ephesians, Paul explains how married couples should emulate Christ’s relationship with the church in three ways.

1.      The cycle of love and respect

2.      The cycle of sanctification

3.      Unity and Intimacy

As husbands and wives strive to meet these standards they show case Gods glory in their marriage.

Sounds beautiful, but boy is it difficult to do. The trick is not to give up on these standards when it gets hard. When I don’t respect my husband it is hard for him to continue to show me love. When he doesn’t lead me spiritually it is hard for me to continue to respect him. Without intimacy and unity, we become more like roommates or business partners instead of a married couple. So realizing these facts I have to keep pushing to make it work. I keep Philippians 3:14 at the forefront of my mind when I want to give up and let my sinful nature take over.

So my question to you is: who are you giving glory to? If you aren’t striving to give God glory, you are dishonoring him by default. Keep fighting the good fight, this is bigger than you.

Orianna

Marriage Uncut: Body Image

We all know the verse Psalms 139:14 … I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Well for a long time I struggled to accept that. For the majority of my life I struggled with a negative body image and those struggles followed me into marriage. Even to this day I have to push to not compare my looks with my friends. From the time I was eight until I got to college I avoided mirrors. Every time someone complimented me I thought they did it out of pity instead of sincerity. The bullies at school did nothing but affirm my negative self image.

“Your body is disgusting; no one wants to see that!”
 -Middle School Locker Room

“Your nose makes you look like a shark. You should get surgery.”
- High School Backstage

“She is so ugly she will never get a man.”
- High School, Dance Class

 Years have passed, the voices of my naysayers have faded, and I have forgiven those who used to mistreat me. However, I still have a small voice in the back of my head that will speak up on occasion and tell me, I’m too fat, I’m not good enough, and I will never be able to change. The only difference is now I'm married. 

WAIT... shouldn't that change everything?

Not necessarily..

If I know I am physically desirable to my husband, why do I STILL feel like this. Well at the end of the day the way I view my body has nothing to do with him. He can tell me I am the most beautiful woman in the world until he is blue in the face, but until I believe that I am attractive it won’t make a difference. Since the beginning of 2017 God has been showing me how much power is in the mind. Encouragement is great but until you believe that you are beautifully and uniquely made, the voices won’t stop.

Now i’m not here trying to offer you a ten steps to fix your body image in two weeks, but I will tell you that consistently focusing on these two things will drastically change the way you view yourself in the long run.

   

God made me unique.

The first one helps you to accept the things you can’t permanently change. The freckles, the moles, the hair line etc. You can put on makeup all day long but at some point you have to wash your face and take off your wig. Recognizing that God made you unique and cognitively accepting that helps you to change your perspective on what you see when you look in the mirror.

I will be healthy.

This is the really HARD one. This requires changes in your activity level and what you eat on a consistent basis. Some of us are down on ourselves and hate the weight, but we eat an XL pizza at 3 am every night. That is not conducive to a positive body transformation. You have to cut out the junk, get off the couch, and push to be the best you possible. It's time to stop idolizing Keyshia Ka'oir your body will never look like hers. You have to set realistic goals, within a realistic time period, for YOUR body. 

I still fight to focus on these truths EVERYDAY. Just like I have to crucify the flesh daily and fill myself with the word, I have to rebuke the negative thoughts about my body and remind myself the I am uniquely made and that I will consistently choose to be healthy. Sometimes it is a second by second decision, but it is worth it.

For your husband, your children, and you, it is worth it.  

Orianna 

Things I wish I knew BEFORE I got married...

Flowers by Faithful Flora

For the record, I have only been married for nine months as of this blog posting. I am NOT an expert. However, there are a few things I wish I could tell my younger self about being married.

1.     Guard your spirit vigilantly.

There are certain places you no longer need to go any more, friends you no longer need to hang out with, and even music you no longer need to listen to. Everything you allow into your space has the potential to uplift or erode your marriage.

2.      Never get comfortable.

It’s easy to get lost in the humdrum routine of everyday life. After the honeymoon phase (year one to three), the cute text messages could stop. Conversations can become lackadaisical. The sex that used to leave you feigning for more can become listless and average. This is the most dangerous place for a marriage to be, because as soon as someone or something comes along that shakes up the routine, the doorway to trouble is wide open. The way you keep that door closed is by mixing it up. In the bedroom, in the kitchen, and on date nights, you have to change up the routine and actively push to learn more about the person you married. They are growing and changing and if you don’t pay attention, you will wake up with a stranger in your bed.

3.      Don’t let yourself go physically.

One of the first things that may have attracted you to your spouse was their looks. Both men and women are wired to notice the attractiveness of a person’s face/body. The choice of pursuit follows from there. That being said, marriage is not all expense paid trip to the city of never ending sweatpants. You have to put in the same effort to keep your figure in check as you did when you were dating (if possible). Plus, you want to be around for a while. Health is VERY important.

Since this blog is for a friend of mine who is going to be getting married very soon, I’m including some tips on marriage from my parents and grandparents below!

Parents

·         Keep your priorities in order. God, spouse, family, then friends. When this list gets out of order, your marriage will suffer the consequences.

·         Talk about how you want to raise your children. If you are not on the same page as your spouse, it will get messy.

·         Keep dating!

·         Budget your money and take a course on finances if you can. “Financial Peace” by Dave Ramsey is amazing.

·         (For wives) Don’t let him handle everything. If you don’t understand life insurance, banking, directions, and so forth, push to learn that NOW. Your husband is not immortal and if something happens, you will have to handle the repercussions life throws at you.

·         Don’t let gender roles dictate your marriage. Be thoughtful outside of those roles.

·         Make a daily routine for laundry, cooking, and cleaning before you have kids. It makes the transition to parenthood easier.

Grandparents

·         Marriage is all about sacrifice. It’s best to be sure you both have the same goal in mind for your future. Realize their desires and think about what you are giving up. Are you willing to let some of your dreams go to make sure that your joint goals for life are accomplished?

·         Be patient when it comes to your spouses’ insecurities. Some people trust you as far as they can throw you because of what has happened in their past. If it is a deep seated issue, talk to a pastor or a licensed marriage counselor.

·         Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.

·         Understand their background and how that will affect their behavior.

·         Temptation will still try to get at you but you have to be strong in spite of the pressure. Sometime your spouses’ “friends” will go as far as to offer you money… when you are lacking…for a piece of “cake”. Allow God to be your provider in those moments of temptation.

·         Do your best to stay employed. Two incomes are better than one, no matter the amount.

All in all marriage is not for the faint of heart. But by God I’m not going anywhere!

Orianna