Why Does God Hate Divorce?

Picture it, September 2011. I am home on fall break from school and my mom takes me out to pick up groceries for the house. As we are driving to the store I catch her up on school and she gives me updates about the church. The topic turns to the family and when she starts talking about my dad her entire demeanor changes for the worse. I listened to her vent about her frustrations that had been pent up over ten years of being in North Carolina and it not going as she had planned. We pull into the store parking lot; she cuts off the car and stares out at the rain. We sit together in silence for a moment and then she tells me that she and my father are going to get a divorce. I always knew my parents hadn’t had a particularly happy marriage, but when she told me they were getting a divorce a mixture of anger, sadness, and frustration churned in my chest. From that moment on I started looking up scriptures to help her come back to her senses. I found three instances in the bible and all of them basically say the same thing: God hates divorce. 

My question was, why?

If two people are unhappy or if there is infidelity, or even abuse God should be ok with divorce as long as you have a good reason….

Or so I thought.

Whether your reasons are justified or not God still hates divorce. Simply because: marriage is meant to last for life. When a couple gets married that covenant is supposed to be upheld for as long as they live, through kids, sickness, death and all the other hardships of life that come our way. Marriage itself has a twofold purpose, first, to act as a physical example to the world of God’s unconditional love and second, to produce godly offspring. When you get divorced you can no longer fulfill the first purpose and fulfilling the second purpose becomes extremely difficult. Co-parenting without living in the confines of marriage is a near impossibility. Thankfully we serve a God who specializes in the impossible.

God knows what divorce does to the couple involved, the children, and society at large as a result; however there are some exceptional times where you would be justified in getting a divorce.

Abuse

In Malachi 2:16 directly after God expresses his disdain for divorce he says “I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as his garment.” Some translations say: “I hate a man’s covering his wife with violence as well as his garment.” (AMPC) God has not and never will be on the side of an abusive spouse. If you find yourself in that situation you need to leave.

Infidelity

Matthew 19:9 and Mathew 5:32 make most people believe that you can point to unfaithfulness as a loophole and grounds for an automatic divorce. Since adultery is a form of sexual immorality technically speaking you would be justified in getting a divorce from a consistently unfaithful spouse. However, when you look at the scriptures in their cultural context, you discover a deeper meaning. In Jewish tradition marriage takes place in two stages; the betrothal (kiddushin, where the bride accepts the man’s proposal, her family accepts the bride price and they pay the dowry) and fully fledged marriage (nisuin, where the bride a broom move in together and they partake of the wedding feast). There was about a year between these two stages; however once you were in the betrothal stage you were seen as husband and wife in the sight of God and the law.  Matthew is speaking to individuals stuck in the space between kiddushin and nisuin, where a lot of divorces took place because of that long separation and lack of intimacy.

Divorce was never a part of God’s will for his people it is a result of our sin nature. If you are in the position where you are considering divorce and you are justified in getting one according to scripture. I implore you to continue to seek God and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. If you are seeking a divorce and scripture is not in agreement with your reasons for getting one I implore you to do the same thing. Marriage is meant to last for life. Divorce is not a decision to be made lightly whether it is justified or not God still hates it. And he still loves you divorced or not.

Peace and Blessings

3 Habits I’m leaving in 2017

December is my favorite month for two reasons.

1) Christmas

2) New Year’s Resolutions

I have been thinking about 2018 since October. This year has flown by and thankfully I am not the same woman I was at the beginning of this year. In the spirit of progress here are 3 habits I’m leaving in 2017.

1. Insecurity about my looks

From the time I was twelve I have hated the way I look. Thankfully over the past thirteen years I have gotten more comfortable in my skin. However there are still small things that I do to cover up and hide. Although I don’t wear much of it, make up has been something I’ve been hiding behind and I am leaving that habit in 2017. Unless it’s a formal event or performance I will be bare faced and free!

2. Weight Gain

Since my thyroid surgery in 2013 I have been steadily gaining weight. I got comfortable with my size and fell into a defeatist mindset about losing weight and being healthy. At the beginning of this year I weighed over 200 lbs., thankfully through consistent exercise and portion control I have dropped 20 lbs and a pants size! Before 2017 I was comfortable with my unhealthy eating habits and my lazy exercise habits. This year has sparked a change and I am going to continue fighting to break through every plateau I reach as I push to live a healthy life.

3. Spiritual Laziness

I am beyond done taking everyone’s word for it when it comes to God. I have been stuck in a cycle of laziness with my faith for years. And I am at the point that I refuse to spend the rest of my life as an average Christian with basic bible knowledge and a half committed heart. The biggest way I hope to change this is increase the frequency of my quiet time and the amount of scripture I memorize. I want to know God for myself from his word as 2 Timothy 2:15 pushes us all to do. As much as I love my pastor and the different bible study tools I have access to, I don’t want them to be the anchor of my faith I want his Word to be my anchor.

What habits are you leaving in 2017? Tell me about it in the comments!

Peace and Blessings

Baby Fever

There was a time where I was positive that Baby Fever was a complete myth. I knew I wanted to get married from a young age but I wasn't sure if I wanted to jump on the kid train right after. However my subconscious (or the Holy Spirit?) seems to be working against my plan to wait till I've been married five years BEFORE I start having kids. I say this because for the past month or so, both me and my husband have had  vivid dreams about our future kids. And then I make the mistake of getting on Facebook and I see all my friends who have babies or who are currently pregnant and I wonder if it will happen to me. Then the feeling in the pit of my stomach starts gnawing at me and the urge to have a little bundle of my own grows stronger. Pictures such as these FLOOD my timeline:

Why must they be so CUTE!!!

As a modern christian woman I know that my worth is not tied to having a child. However, between the pictures and the dreams I feel the need to rush the timeline. Life has changed dramatically and since i'm not 16 and single pregnancy wouldn't be considered the end of my life. 

But after thinking and praying about it I have discovered that the root of my baby fever is unbalanced. The only reason I want to have kids is because I'm not completely content with the season I am currently in. On the surface everything looks great but I still want something more and for my brain the only answer to this problem is a BABY. 

That's a lie.

The answer to my contentment problem is God and evasive action.  More time praying and fasting and less time getting lost in baby pictures on Facebook. I might have to unfollow some of my friends until their kids get older. The key to my contentment is to find the joy in the mundane of this season. I have to look at my life logically and continue building both the spiritual and financial foundation that will be best to raise my kids in. I'm no longer going to let my brain trick me into rushing my timeline. I will go at the pace God has set for this family.

What are some ways you combat baby fever? Do you know what the root of your baby fever is? Comment below!

Peace & Blessings

#nokidsnoproblem

5 Ways to Appreciate your Spouse

With Thanksgiving finished we now begin the frantic rush to find the perfect Christmas gift. Now more than ever seems like a good time to remind your spouse how much you appreciate them. Between the family gatherings, holiday parties, and the MASSIVE amount of cooking it is easy to lose sight of your first ministry: your spouse. So here are 5 great ways to show your spouse that you appreciate them before Christmas morning.

Special Food

Since you are probably going to be spending a lot of time cooking anyway, make something special just for him. Make a plate of the food that you are already cooking, hide it and give it to him later when leftovers “run out” or whip up his favorite dessert. No matter what you do, food is universal for “Thank You”.

Private Praise (Be Specific)

Make a mental note of the ways that he helps you during this time. Simple things like making a holiday budget; keeping the bills paid, entertaining the kids while you’re cooking etc. It is always good to verbally express your appreciation for him shouldering his responsibilities well.

Public Praise

Be on the lookout for opportunities to praise him in front of others. In the event that your husbands love language is Words of Affirmation you will definitely help him realize how attentive you are to him, when you say it in front of others. Don't be obnoxious, but don't be shy either. 

Give him Alone Time

No matter what type of personality they have EVERYONE needs breathing room at times. Give your husband the space to hang out with the guys or just relax on his own. 

***Disclaimer: The only way this is effective is if you don't make him feel guilty for having alone time.***

Flip the Script

Surprise him by planning a date (find a sitter if necessary). The key to making this date special is to do something that he really likes that you might not have never tried before. For example my husband loves video games. I'm not a fan, but earlier this month I let him teach me the basics for a few hours and it wasn't that bad! Be unconventional and see what happens. 

Leave one way you appreciate your spouse (or any of your immediate loved ones) in the comments below!

Peace & Blessings 

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays can be awesome but if you don’t plan correctly they can send your cortisol levels through the roof. This is the time of year where you are around two kinds of people; those who know you really REALLY well and have the ability to stay on your LAST nerve or those who are trying too hard to get to know you and have an opinion about EVERYTHING  you have ever done in the history of existence. Between fellowshipping with family, keeping the house in order, and serving at church, the holidays can easily become a time you dread instead of what they are meant to be, a HOLIDAY. So here are a few tips to help you survive: 

Don’t add projects to your schedule last minute.

Last minute plans always lead to unnecessary stress. There is nothing wrong with saying no to people. Your mental health is more important. It doesn’t matter who it is: church family, lifelong friends or you grandmother. If it’s the week of Christmas and they are asking you to make a huge change that you have to go out of your way to do, you should probably say no. As of now we have 42 days left until Christmas. Get your travel plans and itineraries together now so you can actually enjoy time with your family.

Take care of home first.

Speaking of family, the people in your house are your first priority. For example, if it’s not in the budget to go to the family reunion this year, that’s ok. Save up and make arrangements for next year. It is unwise to put your household in dire straits to impress people. A lot of people go into a great deal of debt at this time of year trying to make it out to all the family events with the nicest gifts. That is unnecessary and honestly it is financially irresponsible. The most effective way to take care of your home is to actually BE at home, so if you can’t afford to go, DON’T. Show love to the people in your house by keeping them at the top tier of your priority list.  

Plan time for yourself now, (there is value in slipping away).

One thing that I have noticed about the holidays is that I have a habit of neglecting my quiet time when I’m around my family. The funny thing is I need the Holy Spirit to guide me all the more when I’m with my family because they know how to push all my buttons. No matter how far you travel make sure you take your bible with you. There is not a single family event that you will go to where you won’t need the Holy Spirit to help you hold your tongue, give you discernment, and keep you at peace in the midst of everyone else’s chaos. So find moments where you can slip away, pray, and breathe. Make room for your quiet time when you know the family will be sleeping or out getting groceries. The time is there you just have to steward it correctly.

As we step into the thick of the Holiday season I pray that you will protect your peace and keep your priorities in order. 

Peace & Blessings

Why are we here?

The human race has been asking this question since the dawn of time. Christian or not the purpose of our existence is to glorify God. Romans 11:36 sums it up well.

For from him and through him and to him are all things.

 To him be the glory forever. Amen.

There is nothing in our universe or present existence that is not designed to testify of God’s glory.

However when we make this ideology personal, our sin nature complicates everything. At our core we do not desire God (Romans 3:11), however through supernatural salvation and sanctification we are able to stand before God and be accepted by him. All of us have a purpose in this life, specific people we are supposed to touch, and a unique path to follow.  Unfortunately most of us spend our lives fumbling in the dark just trying to survive in this crazy, cut throat world. We should aspire to do more than survive, exist comfortably for a few decades, and die. The only way we can combat that lifestyle is to learn God’s specific purpose for us and then walk boldly in that calling. The most beautiful thing about this is that God is not trying to hide your calling from you. Your calling is as unique as your finger print, and God desires for you to know what he wants you to do with your life. But we will never find it if we go to sources outside of God for the answer.  

Life coaches, professors, and even your parents can’t truly give you an in-depth play by play of how your life should go. God made you and he knows you in ways that you can’t even begin to know yourself. Therefore its stands to reason that the first and only place you should begin your search is through spending time with him in his word. This process helps you to discover your identity in Christ and it uproots ungodly perspectives and expectations on how you should live. After you begin your journey it is always a good idea to get an accountability partner or a group of people to help you discover your purpose. God himself lives in community; you do not have to figure this all out on your own.

On that note I would like to become a part of your community. I am hosting an event called “Seven Days of Purpose” with the goal to jump start you into discovering your unique God given calling. I will be using the bible and the book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Everything will be online so you can join from ANYWHERE. Follow the link, it starts Sunday 10/29/2017.

Being a Woman

It’s deeper than your DNA (although that is a pre-requisite). The bible gives us countless examples of what it means. At its core being a woman means that you are the tech support of society. We were designed to help. Not just within the confines of marriage but in a vast array of other relationships. It is our primary function and but it isn’t our instinctive response. Because of sin, our nature has been twisted to help self first before anyone else. God calls us away from that mindset and into a whole new perspective on what it means to be a woman and how we view ourselves in the grand scheme of it all. One of the most profound sermons I have heard to date was John Pipers: “Sacred Schizophrenia”. In this talk, Piper explains how important it is to actively take up your cross and choose a path of opposition to the world’s way of thinking and behaving. Because we as women have been marginalized, sexualized and persecuted for millennia we have erected ideologies that seem progressive and helpful on the surface but the core of the ideology is unbiblical, because it comes from our own sinful desire to help ourselves first. 

For example feminism seeks to advance women’s equality in all aspects of society. However, when you look at feminism through a biblical lens you realize that the end goal of it all is to ignore the differences between men and women and in turn erase gender all together. The bible counters that by celebrating the differences between the sexes, and making the bold statement that both men and women play indispensable roles in God’s ultimate plan for the universe. 

Does this mean that we can’t seek justice for wrongs done to womankind? 

Does this mean that we should not advocate for equal pay or paid maternity/paternity leave? 

The answer is a resounding no! For Christian women, feminist ideologies and agendas must be viewed through a biblical lens. Once you have established that base you have to use discernment about what you advocate and seek justice for, and you can walk forward, confident that you are doing the right thing based on God’s standards. The same is true for traditional gender roles. Biblical gender roles capitalize on the strengths of both sexes to create a formidable foundation for a godly society. Traditional gender roles have twisted God’s standards and led to societal ills such as corrupt justice systems, unequal pay, and rape culture.

The time to get a true grasp on womanhood founded on God's principles is long overdue. Many of us walk around trying to make plans for a Utopian society in our own strength, not realizing that God already has a plan for us. His plan includes women and the sooner we understand and walk in our respective purposes as women the closer we are to seeing God’s plan unfold in our reality. 

A reality where we accept and affirm the fact that we are both equally indispensable and we operate in an interdependent existence( 1 Corinthians 11:11-12). A reality where we realize that we are both created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). A reality where we take our place a fellow heirs in Christ (1 Peter 3:7).